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siblings will play together, there’s no guarantee that will happen either. Especially if the older sibling is jealous of the baby, and the attention his new brother or sister is getting from mom -- attention he used to have and no longer does.

In her excellent book I’m Okay, You’re A Brat, Susan Jeffers asks the question, “Why do people have more than one child? In too many cases, they have two or more children for all the wrong reasons, and end up deeply regretting their decision later. Some of the wrong reasons she cites include trying for the boy or girl they didn’t get the first time, having two kids close together to get the “bad stuff” over with quickly, or having more babies to replace the one who grew into the toddler and two-year-old stages. Unwanted advice or opinions from parents or in-laws to “provide a playmate” for their first child is another common reason that happy parents of one are pressured into becoming parents of two. Unfortunately, the grandparents are usually not around later on to deal with the problems their meddling created.

Jeffers recounts a few stories in her book that paint a far different picture from the one painted in PARENTING Magazine’s “Second Time Around.” These parents with two or more kids report that their stress levels have dramatically gone up while the quiet and serene quality of their lives has gone swiftly down. The quiet family time they used to enjoy as parents of one has been replaced with more noise, fighting between children, and in some cases, the parents themselves. Some of these parents of two in the future may end up spending more time playing referee to battling siblings and less time as a couple after the contenders are asleep.

Whether the editors of publications for parents want to admit it or not, it remains a fact that sibling rivalry and jealousy can cause serious problems in families that were once happy and thriving. And while some of these problems may disappear as the children get older, it creates a tense and unhappy environment for both parents and children while the problem continues. In some cases, the jealousy may never go away entirely, but might only disappear temporarily, to resurface many years later.

Having a second child only to create a “playmate” for the first can have serious consequences when the parents’ expectations aren’t met due to circumstances they didn’t consider before going ahead with a second pregnancy. So if you’re considering having a second child only because a magazine article, family or friends are telling you it’s what you’re “supposed” to do, please reconsider. Your single child would prefer having a happy mom instead of an unhappy and over-stressed one.