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By the time of the rodeo riders get here this year, our rhinos should be fat, sassy and ready for action. As always, the water they are given to drink, will be liberally laced with healthy vitamins and minerals, designed to make this years rhinos the best yet. We hasten to point out the rhinos will not be allowed to become complacent. This would never do.

This year, the rhinos will be herded together a few days before the rodeo and kept in small confining pens where they will be deviled by children with sharp pointed sticks and yard men with electric shock sticks. We are not being cruel to the rhinos, we know their skin is thick and tough. The children will not be able to do more to the creature, than be annoying. The electrical shock sticks are expected to do little more than be tickle or be annoying at the very most. With a little effort you can almost picture the electric shock sticks tickling the rhinos and the rhinos rolling all over on the ground giggling hysterically.

The reason we annoy them for a day or so is to make them alert and aggressive. After all, who wants to watch a cowboy ride a fat, sluggish, mild mannered rhino out of the chute on Rodeo Day? The whole event is designed for action and danger. Danger and excitement are what we intend to supply in great quantity, to the many tourists who will visit our fair town on Rodeo Day.

The day before the rodeo, the rhinos are fed a meal of gun powder, beans and Cayenne pepper. The rhinos will then be rated on a danger scale, by the amount of this diet they consume and by the size of their distended bellies.

A few years ago, after eating a tremendous amount of this diet, one rhino actually became airborne, when a careless spectator lit a cigarette while standing behind the animal. The now deflated Rhino, is expected to reenter Earth’s atmosphere in another year or so.

When interviewed after launching the rhino, the now naked, completely hairless and somewhat scorched spectator was heard to say, “I knew smoking was bad for you, — but isn’t this carrying things a bit too far?”

This was also the only year the round eyed, terrified and somewhat speechless riders, had to be tied to their mounts. Naturally, at the end of the timed ride the gates at the far end of the Rodeo grounds are opened. The rhinoceros is allowed to escape out into the swamp to live out the rest of it’s life in peace and quiet. Some of the riders from this event have yet to be heard from since they vanished into the swamp still tied to their mounts. We all hope they are well and wish them the very best.

Applicants wishing to enroll as a rider in this event, as in the past, should be address their requests to, The Mount Perry Mental Health Agency, 101 North Jefferson Street, Mount Perry, Florida 06660, or by E-MAIL to . If you’d really like to ride a rhinoceros as described above, this agency would like to hear from you. All letters and interviews will be kept private under the Doctor Patient Privileged Information Law.