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difficult to sustain a relationship or marriage with a man who is a strong conservative. You may not consider politics that important in a relationship, but if you do, you need to make sure your partner shares most of your important viewpoints, if not all of them.



2. Must all marriages include children to be successful? - About two years ago, I read The Good Marriage, by authors Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakelee. The book was a result of a study of about fifty couples personally interviewed by Wallerstein, and on the surface made some valid points. However, there was one key omission that in my opinion cast serious doubts on the entire book’s credibility. She had decided to eliminate all childless couples, whether by circumstance or by choice. I found that omission curious at best and strongly biased at worst. One of the quotes in the book, from one of the people she interviewed, stated the following: "Marriage needs children. That’s what it’s all about. Otherwise, it’s just a date." Of course, this was just one more opinion, but it is surprising how many people will treat this statement as an absolute. It seemed obvious to me, from reading her book, that Wallerstein believes that marriages should include children as a rule. However, that is a belief, not a fact. What are your views on children in marriage, and more important, does your partner share them? Whether you want kids or you don’t, both of you should be in total agreement. Otherwise, you are just leaving yourself open for serious marital problems after you’re married.



3. Does religion matter in your relationship? - Your answer will be a simple yes or no, for both you and a partner. If you haven’t thought much about your own religious views before, spend some time thinking about them now. It could be that you have no belief in a religion or in God, which is perfectly acceptable. Many people are humanist, atheist or agnostic. The problems occur when a religious person, whatever the denomination, and an atheist try to persuade a partner to his or her point of view. This is an exercise in futility, if both are strongly committed to their own ideology, or lack thereof. The only thing you can do in this type of conflict is agree to disagree about religion, or if you can’t, to simply end the relationship. It’s a tough call, but do you really want to be spending your time arguing and trying to convince someone that your way is right and your partner’s is wrong? Debating religious views is fine in a casual friendship. In a romantic relationship, it is a different matter entirely.



4. Do you want a traditional marriage or a modern one? - Traditional marriages were more common in our parents’ and grandparents’ generations. The structure was a simple one, where the man worked at a job outside the home and provided the money for his family. The woman’s job was the home, and her duties included – and were usually limited to – cleaning, cooking and child care. If she did anything outside the home, it was usually volunteer work, and it was done only if the children were in school. Modern marriage, to clarify the definition, is more of a partnership than a hierarchy. Both partners work together to keep home, work and family life, (whether children are part of the marriage or not) running smoothly. What is your preference, and do you know whether your partner will share it? Knowing what you want in a marriage helps you to eliminate potential partners who have different or opposite goals.



5. Is Sex A Priority For You? - If you value sexual compatibility in a marriage, you will probably want to have a sexual relationship before marriage as well. Whether you and a partner are sexually on the same page in terms of desire and preferences is very difficult to know for certain just by talking about it. But what if your partner is opposed to having any kind of sexual activity before marriage? You need to find out why he or she has these feelings.