Self-forgetfulness

Huge efforts have been devoted to building self-esteem in the hope that this would be psychologically helpful. Serenity, however, seems to suggest a state of selflessness, a condition in which ego is set aside, in which pride and greed are ignored, and in which self-esteem is irrelevant.

Ritual

Many people trying to learn serenity through meditation find that focusing on something specific helps to ease mental turmoil and promote tranquility. Teachers of meditation tell students to concentrate completely on breathing, to count each breath and start over when they reach a count of ten. Some who meditate start by a muscle inventory contracting each muscle group in turn and then letting it relax fully. Visualizing peaceful scenes or concentrating on a chanted mantra also help release the mind for serenity. Later, once full concentration on the present moment becomes habitual, people can do what is called a walking meditation, a state of mind that can be generalized and carried through every daily activity. It takes long practice for most of us, and this is clearly learned skill.

Some folks find meditation to be enhanced with chimes, quiet music or incense. Some find the presence of a teacher helpful. We must be wary, however, of artificial aids, and be sure never to become dependent on any particular ritual since we are going to need our serenity in all kinds of situations over time, situations in which there may never be time for the artificial aids we have come to depend upon.

Low vigilance

At first, in the practice of serenity, our customary vigilance wants to remain at high levels; we are used to preparing for stress by anticipating it. In serenity, at least at first, this guardedness is set aside during safe periods of practice. Later, you may notice that you can return to awareness of life’s details with much less fear and anxiety as you carry serenity into your daily life.

Non-defensive

In serenity our defenses are lowered since most of the situations in which we are used to being defensive are merely ego defense situations. When we give up ego, we can afford to reduce defensiveness to just those situations that might actually be life threatening.

Physically relaxed

Muscle tension often acts to alert us and keep us tense even if we don’t notice how tense we habitually are. Constant practice in muscle relaxation may be necessary before it becomes a daily habit. At first, it may feel unusual and uncomfortable since constant tension may have been a habit of many years.  

Psychologically alone

Obviously, early in serenity training, we must become psychologically alone in order to practice the basic skills. People around us are sources both of positive feelings and of emotional turmoil. Serene interaction with people—with all the people in one’s life—must await higher levels of skill, but it is the ultimate goal.

Conclusions

My own list of the components of serenity does not include some details that others might expect or want to add to their own serenity. For one thing, emotional states have not been listed as critical. Indeed, at first, I think it necessary to escape from our constant hot bath of emotions. Many people want a serenity that is like a warm, fuzzy feeling, a feeling of great contentment. Certainly, serenity should bring great personal peace of mind, if that is to be considered an emotion. It should, at least in the beginning, be appreciated as a great release from the pressures and stresses we have allowed into our lives. But feeling good is not necessarily the goal in achieving serenity since, as I see it, serenity is a selfish tool for a better life, not a goal in itself. Again, addiction is an attempt to feel good and often yields a temporary sense of the big warm fuzzy. Unlike addiction, serenity is not an escape, but rather a better path to higher goals.

My view of serenity is perhaps rather selfish in as much as there are no acts of service, no great feelings of love and no dedication to some higher power or purpose. So, yes, I think serenity is primarily a selfish state which, when mastered as a skill of living, can result in far, far greater service in a more meaningful life. Who do you want to do your next surgery or to be your sponsor: someone with real serenity or someone caught up in emotional turmoil?

There are no religious elements in my list above, although one might well include some if that were personally important. Serenity, I think, is a consequence or byproduct of practice more than some magical gift. People with high levels of skill—say in mathematics, music or art—are told repeatedly that they have a gift and should be grateful for it. Little do most people know how many hours and years of diligent practice go into what may seem to be an effortless performance.

Serenity is a learnable skill that requires both the understanding of its essential components and long hours of practice for most of us. When it becomes noticeable to others, it may have long since have become automatic and almost natural for the individual. Practice makes perfect if we want it to. If others take your skills for granted and see them as unearned gifts, that would hardly matter in serenity would it?

Living a life itself is also a learnable skill.