Adult Orphans
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Hmm... / Life

By Michelle Mason, Journalist






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    Over the next two weeks my partner and I took on the bulk of organizing a cremation and memorial for mum. I had no idea there were so many details to consider: funeral director, celebrant, flowers, speakers, venue, memorabilia, photographs, music, slide show, cremation, the wake and remembrance bookmarks for attendees. And that was only the beginning. There are mountains of your loved ones paperwork to sort out – bills to be paid, accounts to be cancelled or changed, companies and friends to inform of the death, assets to list and take action against, death certificates, funeral director payment and application for Pro Bate - “a judicial certificate saying that a will is genuine and conferring on the executors the power to administer the estate.” (www.ask.com)

     

    Even after the memorial service and the wake I found myself spending much time taking care of my family, mum’s friends and her affairs with the assistance of her executor. Now I have returned to London, an angry, confused adult orphan. Apparently I am supposed to get on with my life – go to work, live life for her, do what would make her proud and so on. But even with all the love and support of my friends and family, I have lost my closest friend, my mum and the person I hold dearest in my heart. What can make me forget that? Or move past that?

     

    I do take solace in something she used to tell me, however. “At the end of person’s life, their body should be thoroughly used up and worn out, we should all arrive at the pearly gates with a glass of wine in one had, a big slice of chocolate cake in the other and a cigarette in mouth saying ‘what a ride!’”

     


           Mum on the day she died

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    (13.08.1957 – 15.02.2007)

            I Love you Mum.

     

     

     

     

     




    AUTHOR: Michelle Mason

    TAGS: Life                  

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    anon.




    anon. says on 2008-10-22 18:57:59 about
    I'm sorry for your loss, I lost my dad in02 mom in 2003, and am 1 of five with a terminally sick oldest sibling. And i work at a cemetery.






    trish13




    trish13 says on 2008-10-09 00:19:05 about adult orphans
    Today i buried my mother who was terminally ill. I lost my father 13 years ago. I know I have this dreadful aloneness. I have 2 sibs, 1 children and a lot of other family. But--There is something so gut wrenching when you lose those 2 people who loved you from the moment they saw you. I'm glad to have a term for it "adult orphan." I think this will help in my healing process. thanks for sharing your story.






    AllAlone




    AllAlone says on 2008-05-02 14:44:48 about Family death
    I can totallyconnect with the author of his personal experience. I have lost both of my parents and both of my siblings, leaving me an adult orphan. I have no one to share memories with, no one to share my christmas or thanksgiving table with, no birthdays to celebrate. How does one cope without anyone at all?






    Panda




    Panda says on 2008-03-01 15:05:59 about
    I just finished reading this article and it pleases me to see someone so honest about the death of their parent. So many people try to cover it up and lessen the struggle, I feel that doing so sometimes makes the bereaved feel ashamed of their feelings. I lost my father in September of this year. Like Michelle's mother, my father was much too young to have passed. I am grateful for her honesty and courage. My father's deceased body was the most horrific thing I had ever seen and too few people seem to grasp the situation because they try to sugar coat it with cliches.






    Panda




    Panda says on 2008-03-01 15:05:52 about
    I just finished reading this article and it pleases me to see someone so honest about the death of their parent. So many people try to cover it up and lessen the struggle, I feel that doing so sometimes makes the bereaved feel ashamed of their feelings. I lost my father in September of this year. Like Michelle's mother, my father was much too young to have passed. I am grateful for her honesty and courage. My father's deceased body was the most horrific thing I had ever seen and too few people seem to grasp the situation because they try to sugar coat it with cliches.






    Panda




    Panda says on 2008-03-01 15:05:06 about
    I just finished reading this article and it pleases me to see someone so honest about the death of their parent. So many people try to cover it up and lessen the struggle, I feel that doing so sometimes makes the bereaved feel ashamed of their feelings. I lost my father in September of this year. Like Michelle's mother, my father was much too young to have passed. I am grateful for her honesty and courage. My father's deceased body was the most horrific thing I had ever seen and too few people seem to grasp the situation because they try to sugar coat it with cliches.






    kbear




    kbear says on 2008-01-25 05:43:38 about adult orphans
    I just read michelles touching tribute to her mum, i was looking up Adult Orphans, as a friend who has just lost both her parents had recommended I do so. She is the first in our 'set' of friends to have lost her parents and i think she feels very lost and misunderstood, she is a vibrant, outspoken and strong person and yet it took her legs from under her when they died - I think i have gained a greater understanding of just how lost she feels at time from reading these articles and I am very glad that they are of such comfort to people like her who can't always open up about how they feel but are never the less in torment many months or years after their parents death.






    kbear




    kbear says on 2008-01-25 05:42:21 about adult orphans
    I just read micheles touching tribute to her mum, i was looking up Adult Orphans, as a friend who has just lost both her parents had recommended I do so. She is the first in our 'set' of friends to have lost her parents and i think she feels very lost and misunderstood, she is a vibrant, outspoken and strong person and yet it took her legs from under her when they died - I think i have gained a greater understanding of just how lost she feels at time from reading these articles and I am very glad that they are of such comfort to people like her who can't always open up about how they feel but are never the less in torment many months or years after their parents death.









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