Bill and Hillary Clinton, now there's a pair!  How'd you like to wake up to that every morning? Boy, there's NO prize!  On either side of the bed!

The insiders say Hillary will never apologize for voting for the war!  Hell, she won't even apologize for staying married to Billyboy!

To put it mildly, like most couples, the Clintons argue frequently! The last brouhaha Hillary and Bill had was: Who wears the pants in this family?

There are those who say Hillary Clinton can win only if she starts wearing skirts and dresses!  Then, there are those who say Hillary can never win, even if hubby Bill starts wearing skirts and dresses!

Former Vice President Al Gore has been nominated for The Nobel Peace Prize, as well as receiving an Academy Award nomination!  Evidently, all that tree hugging is getting more popular than it used to be!

To counter some of Al's recent great publicity, The Bush Administration will make their own movie on global warming named: A Convenient Lie!

Maybe, when those horrid suicide bombers finally get to their heaven, all the virgins waiting for them will be that little girl from The Exorcist!

If they're too drunk, Toyota's new car won't let the owner drive!  Diebold's new voting machine operates on the same idea: its machine won't let you vote for any democrat whatsoever!

The incredibly bad smell in New York City last month was scientifically and easily explained by Mayor Bloomberg recently:  "My investigators have determined that simply: New Jersey cut a big one!"

Westminster Dog Show officials deny reports that England's Prince Charles and his new wife, Camilla, will attend and compete, respectively!

New York City will actually make and market their own brand of condoms! They'll be called "The Big Apple!"  Hey, I got your "Big Apple" right here!

In NYC, it was so cold this week, at The View, you couldn't tell most of the co-hosts were still having hot flashes!  Really, you almost couldn't tell!

Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell have signed to fight to the death, in a steel cage match, scheduled for Baghdad's Green Zone in May!

China has 300 million single men!  Boy, that's gonna take a lot of Hai Karate cologne! ("xie xie")

In Norway, a 67-year-old woman has twins!  Wow, despite being 80 years old, that Hugh Hefner guy from Playboy still really gets around!

Lindsay Lohan had her appendix, and driver's license removed!

Brittany Spears and that Federline boob didn't really get a divorce!  K-Fed now says: "It's just a phased withdrawal!"

Marilyn Manson & wifey are getting a divorce!  I wonder which made her crazier: Was it the boatload of casual gay sex, or the fact that he had a big "L" on his forehead?

New study says: Women are attracted to a chemical in a man's sweat! Not only does this apply to cheerleaders and the captain of the football team, it's probably why your wife waits so long to change the sheets! _