The nurse came to him with a tissue, ‘I don’t blame you for being upset,’ she said. ‘I don’t know if you can understand me. It must be dreadful for you.’

“The silly bitch,” thought Shane as he lashed out with his arm and sent her sprawling on the floor. “Serve her bloody right. Tell me about my wife for Christ’s sake.” The nurse called for assistance. No one was going to help him so he had to help himself. What he wanted to know was in his brain. He had to find a way to extract the information. Concentrate, what did he know?

He remembered he was an only child with a devoted mother. The last three or four years were blanked out. A nurse came to change his urine catheter, he felt her soft hand on his penis. He remembered the pleasure of another soft hand on his penis. Two naked bodies rolled on the bed. One of the bodies was his. He looked into the eyes of the beautiful woman. It was the woman in his dreams. The nurse finished with his catheter. ‘There that’s better,’ she said as she walked away smiling at his erection.

His mother came into the room followed by two men. ‘Hello dear. This is Inspector Daly from the Police and this is John Mason our lawyer.’ She leant over and kissed him. ‘The Inspector wants to ask you a few questions.’

Inspector Daly was a tall man, he was broad across the shoulders and Shane was surprised at how gentle his voice was. ‘Mister Hewitt, I understand that you can answer questions by squeezing your mother’s hand. Is that correct?’

Shane squeezed and his mother said, ‘Yes.’

‘I advise you not to answer any questions,’ said John Mason.

‘Did you know that your wife Catherine is dead? She was murdered.’ Shane squeezed twice as he felt numbness enter his body and tears appear in his eyes. He rubbed at his face and looked longingly at his mother hoping she would tell him it wasn’t true. Her face was grim.

Inspector Daly hesitated, then said, ‘We have a witness who claims that it was you who murdered her. He was also injured in the attack, but he is alive. Do you wish to comment on that.’ Shane squeezed and his mother shook her head. Shane felt stunned. They must be mistaken.

‘They are just fishing,’ said John Mason. ‘The witness might be lying to protect himself. You don’t have to answer.’

‘This man claims he was having sex with your wife when you caught them,’ said Inspector Daly. ‘Have you anything to say about that?’ Shane’s mother shook her head as Shane’s body rocked with sobs and the nurse laid him down and wiped away his tears.

‘Thank you Mister Hewitt. I hope you feel better soon.’ The Inspector left the room with the lawyer.

Shane’s mother leant over him and whispered, ‘Don’t worry dear they won’t touch you while you’re in here. You didn’t do it. The other man did. He’s lying.’ She left to join the discussion outside the door.

Shane lay back and forced himself to be calm. He tried to make sense of what he had heard. He would never harm his beautiful wife. The devastation engulfed him again as he felt sorry for her then for himself. Was she having an affair? He had to know. It was too much for him to grasp. His mind started to race with thoughts as he tried to remember. Nothing would come. Finally, after many hours he slept.

When he awoke the next day, he thought about the cop. Catherine was beautiful. The pleasure of their lovemaking on the bed came back to him. Then they were arguing. Catherine was saying something about him working too hard and not being home enough. He yelled they needed the money as he stormed out the door.

A frenzied man with a knife came into his mind. The cloud of fear started to descend. There was blood everywhere. Catherine was yelling, ‘No, no, no.’ There was a man moaning. He was slumped on the floor holding his stomach as blood oozed around his fingers. The man with the knife wouldn’t stop stabbing Catherine. Then the man looked up. It was Shane. He was looking at himself. 

Shane remembered driving as fast as he could onto the highway. He was yelling and pounding the steering wheel as he saw the bridge in the distance and knew he had to kill himself. The railing splintered as the car crashed through. He saw the railway line rushing at him from below.

He lay back in the hospital bed and wondered if his memory was playing tricks on him. Was he a crazy murderer? Shane longed to be back in his coma. He questioned why did they save a crazed butcher like him? They must have known what he had done. He found his voice had returned as he whispered. ‘I couldn’t even kill myself. Why am I alive?’ Then the cloud of fear turned to abject terror.

Shane watched his heart monitor as the rate shot up. He had to calm himself or the alarm would sound. He was relieved as the rate came down. Then he was excited again as he saw the way out. The nurse had left adhesive tape with scissors on the side table.

Stretching his damaged limbs he clasped the scissors. He thought of driving them into his wrist. He held them poised above his arm.

He thought about Catherine. The frenzied man with a knife came into his mind. Catherine was yelling, ‘No, no, no.’ He wouldn’t stop stabbing Catherine. Then the man looked up. It wasn’t Shane. The door crashed open and Shane grabbed the murderer and threw him on the floor. Somehow Shane had the knife and plunged it into the man.

He stared at the scissors and threw them away. Was that the truth or did he kill her. He didn’t know. He would never know.