Well, the monkeys were great, as long as they lasted I mean. But they were stupid enough to burn themselves with electricity. After billions of years they were all dead. The last one died of depression. Nobody to show how he walks into the electric wall. Sick, I know. You don’t have to tell me about it. It wasn’t me who made up the story!

Anyway, what you have heard about Adam and Eve is almost right, except for some things. Eve was as beautiful as some books have made us believe. But Adam at the same time was not. Adam was really cloned from the God almighty himself, he was only a bit (well...3556 times) smaller than HE was. Adam and Eve were supposed to have children who would be tolerant towards HIM as well. After all, their green-daddy would have been ugly as hell and children do have to love their parents unconditionally.

The problem, however, was that Eve wasn’t too impressed with the appearance of Adam (no wonder...), she liked her own body a lot more. So she packed her bags and ran as far from Adam as she could. He ran under the apple-tree, which was 10 feet from Adam, and created his own home. That was the first luxurious apartment ever btw. The snake from the bible had been dead for a long time already, so he didn’t say anything to Adam, nor to  Eve. Just to clear things up and not make this story too confusing.

And the apple tree didn’t have any apples on it, they weren’t invented yet. Bummer. And you believed the original Adam & Eve story? Think before you take anyone’s word for granted!

Like I mentioned before, Eve was a lot more interested in her own body than Adam's, so she could really handle everything herself. And at some point, she had a beautiful looking child. Not like that ugly Adam. Adam had killed himself a few decades earlier.

Long story short (like they say, long story, shit story), Eve was a gal and the baby-child was a boy ... so after a few decades there was a lot of them. No, I know what you’re thinking, it wasn’t like that at all. The big HE created the rest of them. Gosh, how could you even think it might have been any different! Freak!

After a while, around year 3-7 before Christ the people on earth really got tired of the 3556 times bigger ugly green monster and they decided to turn their back on this self-proclaimed God almighty. HE got depressed and committed a suicide.

Some of you, possibly the most stupid ones, might be still asking yourselves, SO WHERE IS THE PROOF THAT WE ARE ALL ALIENS? Well, you morons – if the freak with the bad sense of humor that created us was an alien, then how can we be humans? Duh! Idiot!

That’s the story. Anyone want to shoot me now? Ah yes, I am the editor-in-chief of The Cheers magazine. The magazine you are reading right now. If you really got this far with this article then please be sure to read other articles as well, articles by other writers I mean, the writers are pretty good, only I am the underpaid, overconfident, idiot who among other things, writes only when he can write nonsense. The publisher lets me do it, unfortunately. Ah yes, I know why, I’m the publisher!

God save us all...

(comment from the assistant editor-in-chief - And we have to put up with him???)