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I know I could simply write the guy and do the whole fan-boy thing. I could even go online and search for Berkeley Breathed memorabilia to buy for my wall. Thats just not the point. I want to know that the silly little things Ive written have not only found an audience of the normal folks like me (and presumably, you), but some of the people whos work Ive respected over the years. There are many people that have helped me form my sense of humor, performing style, and outlook on life. I would have to say that of all the folks I can think of as great influences, Berkeley Breathed has one quality that sets him apart from the crowd. He may be the most accessible of the bunch! (Henry Rollins is a close second and I already have some nice letters from Dr. Demento.). It is not impossible to think I could even meet the guy and have lunch with him someday. Just try to get an appointment with David Letterman. Good luck, pal! Breathed is just famous enough to have a little clout, but not so famous that hed be a total prick to a guy like me. Clever, eh?

Heres my plan: On a regular basis, once a month perhaps, I will make a plea to Mr. Breathed. I have noticed a number of similarities between the two of us and writing about them may sway his judgment a bit and inspire him to either send me the original copy of my favorite strip (Hey Berkeley, it is the Louie Louie lyrics translation from the Dukakis campaign years) or a nice hand-written letter (with Opus sketch) telling me he likes my work. THATS something I can put on my wall, enjoy forever, and leave to my family years after Im gone only to have some guy from Antiques Road Show asking, Do you have any idea how much this is worth?.

So there it is; my path to glory, laid out for all to see. I fully expect that with the vast power of the internet, somebody out there (hopefully a fan of mine) will have the connections to Mr. Breathed and direct his attention to this article and future writings. Some folks have lots of time to waste online and will send e-mails to anybody if they can find a correct e-mail address . If you are one of those peoplestart writing! I am asking for your help. Help me in my completely lame quest for acceptance. Give me my Sally Field Oscar moment, where I can one day thank my readers and proudly proclaim, you really like me! Somebody out there will be able to get Berkeley Breathed to read my work. Ive heard that were only six people away from anyone in the world. The whole Kevin Bacon game is based upon this theory. Help me find those six people. Help me find Berkeley Breathed. Help me find Kevin Bacon. He may able to help!

Berkeley - uh, Mr. Breathed, sir? If youre out there, I want your approval. Ive read your work, bought your books & stuffed dolls & worn your T-shirts. Surely you can appreciate this desperate cry for help, this need for attention. Not hearing from you will bring my anxiety closet to full capacity. I need that space for my Gary Larson obsession. I have no plans on calling Trudeau (his stufftoo preachy). My mother once got a card from the Fred Basset guy simply because we owned a basset hound. This request MUST be a better way to your heart. If you do not like my writing, a simple e-mail stating that you are not YET a fan will be a fine start and a showing of good faith that when my work improves, youll be reading. I await your response and will prepare next months plea.

Andy Martello is not only a regular contributor to The Cheers, he is also a comedian & juggler living in Chicago. He has been heard on The Dr. Demento Show and has been seen on Last Comic Standing.

A signed copy of his upcoming book, Prose & C.O.N.S. will be reserved in Berkeley Breatheds name. For more information about Andy simply visit his website, www.andymartello.com