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Perry Noid was our safety officer and he was never satisfied with all the safety precautions and kept insisting the computer mainframe was talking to him and giving him instructions. This was not necessarily a bad thing, as the mainframe seemed to tell him if anything in the submarine was out of order.

Spike took on the roll of captain and continually peered into the periscope, even after we’d submerged to 100 feet. He kept telling us it was just like looking into his aquarium at home. Walley Turkey served as navigator and when asked which way we should go invariably pointed straight ahead and said, “Thata way”. As he and Spike both came from Worsbrough Dale, he always agreed and away we went.

Our careers as pirates came to an unpredictable end when we test-fired our first torpedo. It seems the torpedo had a guidance system that, once fired, went about a half mile and began searching for the nearest metallic object. It was a beautiful system and would have worked just fine except for one minor miscalculation—we were the only metallic object out there!

Once again hauled aboard a Coastal Patrol Cutter we were asked where we’d come from. None of us were brave enough to tell them one of their brand new atomic-powered attack submarines was just a few hundred yards under their keel with a large hole in it.