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I dont care if people use drugs. I have no political or social agenda, no opinion about them whatsoever. I prefer that my friends dont use the harder stuff around me and I really dont want my precious cigar humidor to be their stashs hiding place. I dont care what adults do in the comforts of their own time. Just dont kill me or get me arrested and DONT ask me for bail money.

I always have to give an over-explanation for my life without unmentionables as if Im doing something wrong. Theres my problem with drugs, the stigma attached to NOT using them.

I am already paranoid enough, funny enough, hungry enough, and crazy enough without them. Bizarre things happen to me on such a regular basis that I dont need drugs to make my life any more interesting. To put it bluntly (HA!), most people think Im already on drugs.

A big reason I abstain is that I have to stay sharp on stage and on my way to the gigs. I have too many talented friends who have shown up late, performed smashed, hurt themselves or lost work because of their habits creeping into their work. Ironically, a lot of these folks are considerably farther along on the rich and famous scale than I am. That may be the only reason TO start up. I dont like working with these guys when theyre high and therefore, dont want to be one of those guys. More importantly, I eat fire! Should a guy sticking flammable objects in his mouth be strung out?

The closest I ever came to actually trying pot was in Jamaica. Pot is everywhere in that glorious land and everyone has some to share or sell. My wife hadnt enjoyed any in years and thought that while in the land of the leaf she should try the good stuff. Somehow I had to be the one to make the purchase. Me. Let me tell you, making a drug deal when youve got absolutely NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL YOURE DOING is itself, a strange trip. I didnt know what the going rate was at home so why the hell should I try haggling with the hotel pool guy? What made it funnier was that my wife only wanted one joint, an amount so inconsequential to a Jamaican that he couldnt help but laughing at my request. One joint, Mon? Thats not enough to watch one sunset, he said with a smile. I made my request and he graciously agreed to come up to our room with the goods.

I went back to the room all excited that Id made a drug deal. I wondered if Fisher Price made a My First Joint kit. We waited for our supplier to arrive. After a knock on our door, my connection was there with a quantity of pot sizable enough to cure glaucoma for hundreds of people! He entered the room, happily cut the product and even rolled the joint. Now thats SERVICE! The joint was as large as my middle finger and from all accounts, would have easily made three or four normal-sized joints back home in the stingy States. Even better, there was plenty of pot left over to make at least 3 more joints of that size. He charged us the equivalent of about 15 US dollars (a bargain, Im told) and told us to keep the rest. We tipped him for the effort (you tip everybody in Jamaica) and laughed wondering if wed tipped the appropriate amount for a drug deal.

That monster-joint didnt get smoked until the next day. I waited for a review and did not partake. For the next few days I played with the remaining marijuana like a kid with a new toy. I rolled the stuff into two sizable joints just to see if I could make a good joint, having gleaned a little rolling technique from watching a friend of mine once. I dont know if the joints I rolled were any good. They stayed in the drawer of my night stand, likely enjoyed by the next guest of that room. Im sure it was amusing to watch me smelling the pot, feeling the texture, rolling and re-rolling joints for a few days, only to pull out a Cuban cigar (as illegal a substance as I was willing to smoke) a few moments later.