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What most people dont know is that entertainers may do many more things than what was seen at the time you watched their act. Most people who have seen me perform at two different events and recognized me have always said, I didnt know you did that! They only remembered me from my last performance. I wanted to avoid a REALLY awkward meeting at a future event where the client and I knew exactly why we looked so familiar to each other, but just couldnt say why. Or worse, what if I had an audition a week later for Disneyland and the talent scout was Mistress Jasmine from the party sans latex skirt, stiletto heels and leash, and I lost the gig because she cant get the image of me doing my paddle-ball trick out of her head? More importantly, I wasnt going to be the guy who heard, Youre not going to do the...uh'sword' swallowing act at Bobbys fourth birthday party are you? Surprisingly, the client was outraged with my special contract rider provisions and thought I was being superior and judgmental. She went on to give me a long dissertation about the fetish industry and its clients. Angrily, she told me about some of the worlds most powerful people she had on her customer list, an action that I thought would surely reinforce my need for anonymity and discretion. The discussion lead to a dissertation about my prudish viewpoints. Say HI to your mom, Mistress Jasmine. The client thought wearing a mask was outrageous because I should be proud to work one of the most prestigious and expensive parties in the world. She claimed my price (a very reasonable one considering that I was the ONLY act whod agree to the gig) was an insult that wreaked of extortion. The horse-whip that broke the submissives back was asking to keep my name out of the press. She went on to explain that photographers from Skin Magazine, the worlds most widely read fetish publication would be there and the potential for free advertising was incredible. My favorite part was where she said, I thought there was no such thing as bad publicity! Apparently she was rather used to being photographed with sex toys. Strangely, MY press kit was particularly devoid of any such photos. She clearly didnt see my point of view and I gave her the number of a performance artist I knew who was exceptionally gifted with her body and might be able to accommodate the clients requests if not the two foot dildo as well. I never heard how the party went nor did I find out whom they had hired. I am acquainted with an area juggler who, when working comedy clubs, will go out into the audience and beat hecklers over the head with a giant latex member. He juggles, balances, and puts on a good show performing rubber-dick tricks. I like to think that my absence from this particular job may have helped launch a budding young career. If this is the case, Ive never received a commission check! At the least I think I deserve a coupon for the House of Whacks. For more information about Andy Martello, visit his website at www.andymartello.com. Most assuredly, you will not find any "special" press kit photos (He saves those for his Christmas cards!). AUTHOR: Andy Martello  TAGS: Cheers comedy dating people comedian humor BOOKMARK: Digg it | Add to Del.ICIO | Add to FARK ACTIONS: Comment Save Print Register free acount  |
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