Parents Regretting Parenthood; More Common Than You Think
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Hmm... / Opinion

By Susan Levine, Columnist






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    It shouldn’t take a genius to see that despite the efforts of pro-family groups, there is still a growing number of individuals and couples who regret parenthood but are doing their best to live with their decision, and those who have made the choice to forego parenthood altogether. It is the latter group, known as the voluntarily childless or child free, that repeatedly comes under fire from the conservative media, various faith-based organizations, and even their own family members and friends as being "selfish," "materialistic," "lazy," "bitter," and any other unflattering and unkind adjectives they can come up with.

    But one has to wonder why those who have made the child-free choice deserve such criticism from those who have made the decision to parent. One would think that parents who are truly happy with their own choice wouldn’t bother to concern themselves with the decision of some couples not to have children. Of course, it is possible that the saying "misery loves company" is a bigger motive for the often-vicious remarks directed at the child-free than some parents would care to admit, perhaps because they are feeling more than just a touch of envy themselves.

    Too many children have had to grow up with parents who were less than enthusiastic about parenthood, and they bear the emotional scars of such an upbringing into their adult lives and relationships. If you are facing unwanted and unwelcome pressure to become a parent from family or friends, the best thing you or they can do is tell these well-meaning – debatable, in some cases – individuals to keep their opinions to themselves. Children should be raised by loving parents who welcome them and the responsibility they bring, not by those who consider parenting an unpleasant duty they’d prefer to avoid and may one day deeply regret. If you know the job of parenthood is not for you, you are making the wise and responsible choice for both you and future children. For having this wisdom, you are to be applauded.




    AUTHOR: Susan Levine

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    m




    m says on 2008-05-22 23:18:06 about Parents Regretting Parenthood
    Count me as one of the many who regret it, after 20 years of marriage and having two truly wonderful almost-adult teenage kids.
    In spite of the fact that they are great kids, I regret it because I traded the last 18 years, which could have been blissful companionship and passion with my wife, for a long slog through chores, tedium and a steady growing-apart. In short, it has been 18 very unhappy years.

    Call me cynical, or selfish, but if people told the truth about what having children does to a marriage, I'd have never had them. I get a very strong feeling that all those "immersion parenting" and other nut-job pro-children psychologists are just big-time nerds who turned 85 when they were 12 -

    Don't do it. Don't sentence yourself, at age 25, to live like a dried-up school marm. You young married couples have attention, energy, your bodies, and your souls, to give to each other. DO IT. Don't waste it.











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