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Dear Hair Care Manager:

Hi, Deary. I saw your ad for a hair stylist, and I thought I would contact you. Frankly, I'm not really interested in the the job you have. No offense, but the pay you are offering -- well!!

But I thought you might possibly know someone who is looking for a manicurist. That's the position where I've decided to settle. After working on hair as many years as I have (Don't you dare draw any conclusions about my age. I started in hair care when I was 4.), a person reaches a point where they want to do nails. It's just the natural progression of life. I guess you're not there, yet.

Now. I'm going to do you a big favor. For free. Don't ask me what generous mood has suddenly overtaken me. Just go with this, and don't ask questions, or I might change my mind. My philanthropic (yes, I have quite a command of the English language) streaks don't always last long.

I have a niece who might be interested in this little job you have. She's 24 years old, and she's still in school -- getting some kind of advanced degree in engineering or physics or some such nonsense. She's a cute girl, so I don't get it.

Anyway, I'm going to call her right after I get this letter sent off to you. I'm sure she'll be in touch this afternoon.

Boy, I just don't know what is going on with me, but I am really feeling your pain today. I know how frustrating it can be, looking to fill a position. When someone just up and leaves, it makes it so hard to keep your customers happy. Well, here's a little tidbit of advice. Again, this is free.

Don't tell any of your customers that their person left. Just sort of lead them on until they forget. You can say things like, "Oh, Nancy is working on a speech she has to give to the United Nations -- it's part of their global Universal Hair Care initiative," or "Sherri had to take an emergency trip to London to claim her 25% of a $40 billion inheritance. We're expecting her back any day."

The other thing is, you probably won't get many applicants. It's too bad I couldn't have helped you with your job posting. You come across as too arrogant. That's a definite turn off to people. When you're talking employment opportunities with someone, humility is key. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Of course, none of this will matter, IF I can convince my niece to come work for you. You'll probably have to up the pay a bit, though. Let's just say $3.00 more per hour. I think she'll go for that.

So, Deary, back to my original reason for writing. Do you know of anyone who's hiring a manicurist? I don't want to seem pushy, but now that I've practically filled your job opening, I think it's the least you could do for me. If you know of someone, please drop everything and call me RIGHT away. My bank account is dry, and I really need to toss a carrot to my landlord.

Humbly yours,

Rita Pusha

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