Have You Ever Seen a One Eyed Woman Cry?

Article by Caleb Schaber
Journalist

GERLACH, Nev.--The government of the United States has become like a one eyed woman with a bad attitude, who carries a 357 Magnum. I know these things because I have lived in the United States and I dated a one eyed woman.

She was just bitching at me the other day that I don't spell for s*** and I give too much attention to women other than her. Well, I wasn't a "C" student like the "Resident of the White House." I mean, it's funny that "focus groups" have protested simultaneously, globally about his war in Iraq.

It seems that close to 50% of the voters in the United States have lost their depth perception

I wish Castro had been able to send in those aid workers to help recount the ballots in 2000 in Florida. There was a good chance that Kerry won Ohio in 2004, but he conceded before demanding a recount.

What does this election have to do with a one eyed woman? Well, it seems that close to 50% of the voters in the United States have lost their depth perception and don't seem to have any idea of how deep the pit is that we are falling in, and how uncounted votes are how we got here.

Yes, I blame the conservative Bush Administration for the problems with the US economy and the two front war in the Middle East.

I followed the presidential primaries in Texas as a journalist. I got to meet McCain and saw Obama draw 20,000 people to hear him speak in downtown Austin on a Friday night; I saw Bill and Hillary and I didn't even want to meet Bill, although I could have. I am sure his blow job from a fat girl cost Gore more votes than Nader did in 2000.

I could have gone to see Nader talk, but I thought it was more important to watch the Simpson's and have sex with my one eyed lover. Sometimes she and I would get really drunk and she would drive me around on her moped in the rain. It's not like invading Iraq, but it felt a little dangerous. Of course, a little danger can make you feel alive, right? Well, I have been to Iraq five times. I've pretty much run the length of it in guns trucks. I lived in Afghanistan almost a year. What the hell? The last time someone held Baghdad and Kabul, it was Alexander the Great.

The war and the lives lost on all sides seem to have been forgotten as soon as it cost too much to drive to work and mom, dad and everyone else are losing their homes, the stock market is falling and this month the US started violating the Posse Comitatus Act by using US soldiers that served in Iraq to perform law enforcement duties on US soil.

Perhaps they are anticipating a riot the day after the election.

At least mom and dad didn't get beheaded, or killed by a road side bomb while they were state side, losing their homes and health benefits. You have to look on the bright side.

For instance, Bruno Selmi, the man who owns the trailer park, restaurant, bar, gas station and most everything else here in Gerlach, held an invite only sheep testicle cook off the other night.

I was not invited, but was at another bar when he closed and the people started pouring in, actually, one had to crawl in as he was so drunk. One fellow, who knows me, but not well, was wearing a McCain/Palin sticker on his back. He walked up to me and asked who I was going to vote for. I just looked at him and said nothing. He got really pissed off and he said he didn't like my look.

Combat is something that John McCain has not seen.

I explained to him that I spent 4 years in and out of our little global holy war for oil. He was very offended and told me that he served in Vietnam.

"You think you are better than me?" he asked. I just gave him a cold stare, then asked him to go away because "I am not here right now and I can't talk to you."

Later, another local disabled war veteran, who is a strong Obama supporter, because he wants to end the war told me, "He hasn't seen combat like you and I."

And combat is something that John McCain has not seen. He spent his time in the war destroying seven airplanes, then was shot down. His views of the war are those of a POW, not those of a grunt. A few of my military friends support him because they want a strong military, but I have seen a lot of people that normally vote Republican in this town have changed and voted for Obama. (In Gerlach, we all vote by mail and got our ballots weeks ago.)

War was a big factor, but as Veterans age, questions of health care come up and several I have talked to here decided that Obama was the better bet.

Personally, I think that even if Obama gets in, it will be hard for him to make things happen because people are resistant to change, especially the rich, who might have to give a few more pennies to the poor. But I am willing to take the chance. I tell people I vote like I play the lottery. You can't win if you don't play, but don't quit your job until the check clears.

I spent some time shooting with my one eyed lover. She is pretty good with her 357 Magnum. She looks sexy in an eye patch. Even if I close both my eyes, I am not blind to the horrors that this false war in Iraq has done to the world and to the United States economy. More people seem to be looking in the proper direction and voting.

But will they count the ballots on Tuesday?

US elections obama mccain elections war

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