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Dear Club Owner:

So you need a good stand-up comic? Well, look no further. My act is so hilarious ... (How hilarious is it?) ... it makes Bill Cosby look like a pretender.

(Ba - Boom - Schehhhhhhhhhhh)

Now, do I have your attention?

You've got to see the video of my act. I'm going to send it to you. When I get one, I'll get it right into the old postal system. Of course, if it goes postal, it will never arrive (get it?). Instead, I think I'll drop it by your club -- probably tomorrow. I did have one already, but the last guy who watched it grabbed it out of my hands, right after I pulled it out of the VCR, and yelled, "That was so stupid!" as he slammed it to the floor. What an idiot.

But here -- let me tell you this one joke I made up the other day. It's such a riot. Oh, man, I am laughing out loud right now just thinking about it.

How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Are you ready for the answer. (Oh, this is such a screamer.) Get ready. You're gonna practically have an anurism (or is it anerism or anuerism -- oh, who really cares, right? You get my meaning.). Here goes:

One.

OK. OK. Now that you've picked yourself up off the floor, let me make sure you didn't miss the best part, because it's kind of subtle, and it's the part I really love. What it is that is so subtle is that this joke would not have been funny before all the other "screw in the light bulb" jokes. But the reason you split a side after you heard it was because it was so unexpected. After the slew of "screw in the light bulb" jokes, you expected some complicated, long-winded explanation of why it would take a boatload of electricians. But the obvious answer of "one" really catches you off guard, doesn't it! Isn't that an incredible joke?

Excuse me --

Man, I just had to pick myself up off the floor, again. I'm OK now (ha ha -- still chuckling a bit).

My whole act is full of this kind of killer material.

I can definitely start this Friday night. That will work well for me, 'cause I have a car payment coming due -- well, actually it's a tad bit past due -- but who keeps track in the loan business, if you know what I mean. I don't know who you have headlining now, but you probably want to contact them as soon as possible and break the bad news. That way they can try to line up a gig while they still have some cash in the old banking system.

And by the way, there is no need to say thanks. You've got quite a reputation on the comedy circuit yourself. I bet I'm almost as thrilled to get to work with you as you are to catch a big fish like me.

Yours for Yucks,
Stanley Dumox





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