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-	Confessions of an Ad-man XII: Consumers in Search of Service
-	Confessions of an Ad-man XI: More Dueling With Mother Nature
-	Confessions of an Ad-Man X
-	Confessions of an Ad-Man IX
-	Confessions of an Ad-Man VII: Commercial ends up in the air instead of on the air

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Clients broought me a variety of challenges. On the day I describe here, I learned a lesson about listening . . . before talking.

The client was a sharply dressed graphic artist. I would have known he was a graphic artist regardless of the setting because they all have one arm slightly longer than the other from carrying those huge portfolios around.

The creative director called me in and suggested that I bring three coffees with me. In those days ad agency writers attended to the coffee. Asking the receptionist to get coffee was against some sort of human rights legislation or maybe a city urban renewal ordinance or something. Once I made the mistake of asking our receptionist to get coffee. She asked me if I had a piano tied to my leg.

I was the new kid. The new writer. The one that everybody looked at piteously because of his total lack of knowledge and common sense. That new kid. The one who fetched coffee.

A few moments later, carefully balancing three coffees, I entered the boardroom. As we sipped from our mugs, each bearing a different media logo, the client got right to the point. “Ever heard of the Neptune Society?” he asked.

I jumped in, eager to show my broad general knowledge. “Sure, I said, “that’s when you cross the equator for the first time on a cruise ship and everyone gets drunk and dresses up strangely and . . .”

The creative director placed his hand firmly on the table in front of me and favored me with a withering stare. Then he turned to the client with a you-see-what-I’m-up-against look. “Why don’t you give us an overview,” he soothed.

“When members of the Neptune Society die,” our potential client explained patiently, “they are cremated and their ashes are scattered with appropriate ceremony on the Pacific Ocean.”

“Oh, that Neptune Society,” I muttered and drew withering stare number two from my boss.

The client went on to explain that his customer was the owner of a local funeral home and was contemplating the same sort of society in our area.

“Geez, we’re a long way from the Pacific,” I offered. “Mind you, there’s always Lake Winnipeg” They both looked pityingly at me.