Great article, the best I've read in a long time on the topic, written by a parent. I am in total agreement as a CF woman.
Larry Boy, i am really happy to know that the greatest joy you have ever known is that of being a parent. My comment is in response to you 'not getting it' when not all parents feel that joy. Not everybody is going to feel that joy.
Not everyone that makes that choice to bring a person into the world can guarantee feeling that joy or being on that 'high'. There are many other 'highs' out there people can feel, and believe it or not, not all of them centralize on being a parent, even for a lot of parents themselves.
Truth is, painting a beautiful landscape, playing a kick-ass tune on an instrument, solving an engineering problem, creating a new exotic dish, creating a new piece of music or a literary piece, etc. can all be equally fulfilling when compared to parenting. It's a matter of personal preferences. Just because to you it is the greatest joy you have ever known, does not mean you have to understand why others don't feel the way you do. Keep in mind, there are many parents who do feel the way you do, and that is just wonderful! But again, all people do not feel this way, and they don't have to. If one has chosen to become a parent, and doesn't feel that 'fulfilled' as a result, then for the sake of his/her offspring, one should make the best out of it, since there is no turning back.
/ jill 2005-04-01 08:22:32
Oh I totally agree. I am a parent to one by choice. My friends-most of whom are just now meeting their life-long partners and thinking about having children, are already on my case about having more. They havent even had one yet but think they know how many I should have!! I could take care of more children, but dont want to. Working full-time and taking care of my toddler, my home, my marriage, and sometimes even myself is enough. I am not sorry I had my darling daughter, but I can understand why someone would want to be CF, and agree it is a lifestyle choice that should be respected not criticized. People know what hey are capable of, or want from thier lives, and should be able to follow those dreams without criticism or expectations.
another CF woman 2005-03-29/ Jason 2005-03-29 23:03:14
"I would have liked the article better if you hadn't used tales of child abuse as your lead in."
She does have a point. Many child abusers do get fed up and fustrated with raising a child, and therefore without rationally thinking abuse their child.
I congratulate this woman on a well written article, and seeing the "childfree" in a positive light, rather than condoned like most of society does.
/ another CF woman 2005-03-29 16:23:50
Thank you so much for this.
Parenting: A job that does not fit all/ BkltynPeach42 2005-03-29 13:24:39
I would have liked the article better if you hadn't used tales of child abuse as your lead in. It subliminally insinuates CF people are not having kids because we fear abusing children. Just because I chose not to be a fireman it doesn't follow that I would burn a building down. It simply means I'm not interested in being a fireman. We are simply not interested in being parents.
While some of us could potentially be abusers, there are others who like kids, are teacher, are pediatricians, etc, but just don't want the 24/7 life of a parent. One should not assume that being CF means you CAN"T do the job of parenting. Some of us could do it rather well. We just don't WANT to.
DeAnn
/ anon. CF woman 2005-03-28 13:19:08
Thank you for the great article! I hope it opens some eyes to the realities of being CF in a very parent-centric world.
