Step 2. Came to believe that The Program, as a power greater than
ourselves, could help us toward normal living.
The term higher
authority, in the original context, referred the God of whatever nature the
individual chose to believe in. In the Universal Twelve Steps it refers both to
the wisdom of the group and to civil authorities, not to some mystical deity.
Over the years this step was a great trap to the busy mind of the addict
because it was often used as an excuse for bitter and unproductive religious
controversy. It�s a difficult trap to work your way out of, and, while enmeshed
in that false controversy, important parts of recovery are lost or delayed. As
I interpret Step Two, the words greater power or higher power do
not refer to anything more than earthly forces we can all see and experience in
everyday life.
There is absolutely nothing
wrong with holding a deity up as a higher power if two considerations are respected.
First, religions convictions should be kept private and not be inflicted on the
group. Second, deistic thinking does not make earthly higher powers irrelevant.
Many of these earthly higher powers are mentioned in this chapter. If a
person�s religious convictions make preaching and proselytizing to others
mandatory, that person is unlikely to be a positive force within the self-help group.
He or she should find a religious group with views more in line with their own.
The first Twelve Step
groups accepted the inclusion of God into their program materials, but the idea
has always been a source of conflict. Public displays of religious conviction
slowly fell out of favor as the United States began to honor and respect its
religious diversity. At the beginning of the last Century, every public
ceremony was accompanied by prayer and frequent references to God. By mid
Twentieth Century various minority religions were beginning to resent the idea
that Christianity was usually the only religion referred to in such public
events. However, public displays of Christianity were everywhere at different
seasons of the year. Finally, the Supreme Court ruled that organized prayer in
public schools is unconstitutional. That ruling, of course, did not outlaw
voluntary public displays of religious belief or traditions in private lives;
it merely made any form of government or school sponsorship of religion
illegal. Private schools were free to continue their religious teachings and people
were still free to express religious beliefs in their public speech. No one has
said that people should not be allowed to pray in pubic places like schools,
civic meetings, or sports events. They just can�t force organized prayer
sessions on others. They must go off by themselves to do it.
As I write these words, the
controversy over religion continues to rage in America as fundamentalists and
evangelicals insist on forcing religious believes back into public events and
even into our laws. None of this really concerns the recovering addict who must
stay focused on abstinence and personal development in the here and now.
The Alcoholics Anonymous
Steps written during the 1930s contain references to God, of course. If similar
steps were written now, in the early Twenty-first Century, it is possible that
all references to a divine or supernatural higher power might be eliminated,
but the basic ideas, goals, and strategies would very likely remain as they have
been since the founding of the Oxford Group in England many years ago. In
developing Alcoholics Anonymous, William Wilson borrowed heavily from the
concepts and practices of the Oxford Group which was a religious movement.
Many religious people still
feel a need to display their beliefs at various public meetings, and tolerance
asks you to respect those wishes while, at the same time, reserving for
yourself the equal right to express your own ideas and, if necessary, to form
your own secular self-help groups in which religion will not be a factor.
Courts in the United States
have generally interpreted a single phrase in our Constitution to mean a
complete separation of organized religion and government although, of course,
that separation is never really complete. We still have In God We Trust
on our coins, and our Congress begins every session with a prayer from its
chaplain whose salary is paid by taxpayers. We all have the right, politicians
included, to refer to our personal beliefs in our public statements, but not to
force them on to others. Whether or not you choose to exercise this right,
however, is a serious decision, and you must always weigh the impact of your
words on others who may find them disturbing and use them to fuel pointless
controversy. And we must also weigh the effects that public displays of
religious practice might have on our own spiritual lives. Religion can be a
very divisive and controversial issue.
In keeping with our
tradition of free speech, we must be tolerant of publicly expressed religious
views and judicious in exercising our own rights of expression. When such
displays are simply irrelevant, they are best left out, in my opinion.
You may or may not have
strong convictions on the role of religion in public life and, like it or not,
Twelve Step groups are examples of public life although, of course, they are
not supported by government. They are therefore absolutely free to include
religious elements in their meetings. At the time of this writing, in addition
to referring to God in the Steps of the program, these meetings end with the
Serenity Prayer so that religion has become somewhat institutionalized in the
meeting format. But, it doesn�t have to be that way.
Whether or not prayers and
references to God promote or discourage membership and attendance is a question
for research. Most organizations seeking to expand membership generally avoid
sensitive and controversial issues in order to focus on the immediate goals of
the organization. If anonymous groups of recovering addicts move farther in
that direction it may be because of a need to expand their universal appeal to
other cultures and populations, not because they reject religion.
If the Serenity Prayer, for
example, is offensive for some members it is a simple matter for the individual
to change the wording silently from God, grant me the serenity to May
I find the serenity . . . It�s the
thought that counts, and Niebuhr�s prayer�meditation, if you will�contains some
of the most important values one can learn in life.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Wherever or however we find serenity, it is essential
for a good life. Acceptance of things unchangeable, personal courage and good
judgment are vital parts of noble character. That said, these are no more than
human skills that can be learned and practiced.
The second part of the famous prayer, seldom quoted,
is a curious mix of religious and earthy philosophy:
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
So, we must focus on what
is being asked for: courage, serenity, and wisdom. These are necessary goals
regardless of who or what dispenses them, regardless of your personal belief
system. They are things you can give yourself, not gifts you get from on high.
Getting caught up in a theological debate will rob you of all of these goals as
surely as a return to addiction. That is perhaps why the second part of the
prayer is seldom voiced; it has excellent goals for this life, but trying to
change the religious elements would do violence to Niebur�s intentions.
Let�s now look at the
original version of the Alcoholics Anonymous Step Two: �Came to believe that a power greater than
ourselves could restore us to sanity.�
The founders of Gamblers Anonymous, the second oldest Twelve Step group,
chose a normal way of thinking and living over the word sanity.
Neither version, however, mentions God or any specific religious belief. Both
versions, rightly or wrongly, assume the need to restore something that, by
implication, has been lost, or perhaps was never had in the first place. There
is the strong implication in both versions of a need for obedience to some
force or power greater than the individual. It is in the rebellious reaction
to obedience, not in an agnostic or atheistic rejection of God, where we
find the trap set by Step Two.
Does the word obedience
make you uncomfortable? You can fix that.
Obstinate rebellion is the
major defect of character that lies at the heart of the pointless controversy
over religion. If the tendency to rebel against all forms of control is not
arrested, good recovery is probably impossible.
For most recovering addicts
it is far easier to argue theology than to accept discipline and obedience into
their lives. Here is the trap even if Step Two does not refer to a deity. Most
people still assume incorrectly that higher power must always refer to
some religious or divine higher power. This is harmful nonsense.
Much of the literature of
Gamblers Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous revolves around the acceptance of
some form of divine, mystical or religious intervention. Convincing people of a
need for God in their lives, however, is not really the business of any
organization other than, perhaps, a church or temple. Convincing people to
accept discipline, order and humility into their lives is very much the
business of recovery, and of a psychologist like me.
Religion was never intended
to be a cure for addiction anymore that Alcoholics Anonymous was intended to be
a way of converting people to religion. It is not clear that religion and
recovery are actually associated in any significant way. Many very religious
people fail in their efforts to give up addictive behavior while many agnostics
find good recovery. What is clear is that the introduction of religion into any
non-religious activity often creates division and argument to the detriment of
the goals of the organization. Patience and tolerance will go a long way not
only in avoiding fruitless controversy but also in building a new way of
thinking and living.
Let us, then, focus only
the actual content of Step Two. The two parts of Step Two are the means
of accomplishment and the goal to be achieved. The proposed mechanism
for the transformation is a higher power or authority while the goal is a
normal way of thinking and living.
The means
Rule #1: Not all higher powers are spiritual; many are
found all around us.
If you apply enough heat to
a kettle of water, the water will boil. If you seal the kettle it will
eventually explode. All this has something to do with the laws of
Thermodynamics so familiar to physicists and cooks alike. All of humankind�s
wonderful inventions�from the steam engine to modern medicine�have been based
on the skillful use of natural law. Much human misery is also the result of the
misuse of natural law; examples include pollution, war, slavery and, of course,
addiction. We did not evolve from primordial molecules in spite of any
natural law, but because of the unending and universal operation of
natural law.
The laws of physics,
chemistry and biology are beyond our modification, but we can discover what
they are and we can use them to improve our lives. So it is, as well, with
ordinary worldly law in a democratic society. If we know the law we can use it
in our lives. If we hate and defy the law we have nowhere to go but jail.
The laws of nature and the
laws of society are higher powers for all of us, like it or not, and there is
nothing supernatural about them. Defiance is not a path to a normal way of
thinking and living. Defiance is, in fact, just another temporary illusion.
Rule # 2: By definition, higher powers do not obey our
wishes.
This, of course, should be
obvious, but many people spend a lot of time demanding that their higher power
come through with all kinds of favors ranging from a new car to relief of debt
and an ideal lover. This is why it has been said that the most important part
of prayer is listening for answers. If you listen instead of giving orders to
your higher power�whatever it may be�it can never disappoint you or let you
down. Higher powers do not exist to follow your orders, wishes and demands. Try
not to dream one up one that does because that, of course, will be only a
dream.
Rule #3: Never ask you higher power for anything.
If you say you believe in
some higher power, just shut up and do what it tells you to do. If it�s a good
higher power, you�ll get what you need. If it�s a bad higher power, like
alcohol or drugs were, fire it.
Rule #4: Not all higher powers are nice.
Addiction is a nasty higher
power for all recovering people, and it is very easy to switch between
gambling, alcohol, drugs, work, or sex and love. Gambling operates largely on
the natural, mathematical laws of chance, laws that, like all natural laws,
never sleep, cannot be tricked and care nothing about anyone�s personal needs.
Gravity is a higher power that can kill and injure; on the other hand, of
course, airplanes do not fly in spite of gravity but because we have learned to
use it to our advantage. Without gravity, airplanes could not fly; there would
be no atmosphere to fly in and no earth to come back to. So, selecting and
using a higher power is not a matter of finding a nice personal servant to do
your bidding and make you feel good. It is very much a matter of finding out
what�s out there and learning to use it through practice, knowledge, and skill.
As a matter of fact, some very good higher powers may make you feel miserable
until you begin to understand what they�re telling you. Sometimes it takes hard
practice to learn to use a good tool. And that�s what higher powers really have
to become: tools for better living and thinking.
Rule #5: You can and should have as many higher powers
as you can discover.
By the way, if you have multiple higher powers, as most
of us probably should, don�t expect them to always be in agreement. It is up to
you to consider and resolve such disputes, perhaps with the help and advice of
a sponsor or therapist. It�s like having two loving parents along with a wise
uncle and a big brother; they may not always agree with each other, but each
has something you can profit from.
Rule #6: If someone suggests a higher power that makes
you furious it is probably one you should accept.
Ask most addicts what they
think of the local deputy sheriff or the United States Congress. Most will
scoff and reject the idea that such fallible and imperfect people could ever be
accepted as higher authorities. But, of course, they are higher powers for all
of us. The law is the law and we disobey it only at our own peril. Imperfect as
they certainly are, members of Congress make the laws and prescribe the
penalties for violating them. A lot of people are sitting in prisons and jails
because they rejected law as a higher power. We are a society of laws; our laws
are the glue that holds us together. In a democratic society, the majority is
often the higher power we all have to obey. There is, we assume, more wisdom in
a majority than in a dictator. There is perfection in neither, but the
alternative to government is chaos.
Rule #7: There is no need for others to accept your
personal version of a higher power in order to achieve their own recovery, nor
you to accept theirs.
Fond as you may be of your
personal higher power(s), do not shove them into the faces of your friends.
Help them to discover their own obedience and learn to appreciate their
discoveries.
Rule #8: It is important that you behave always in
every situation AS IF there were a higher power even if you�re not completely
sure there is one.
If you discover a higher
power and it does not change your way of thinking and living for the better,
what have you got? �Fake it until you
make it,� could be good advice.
Rule #9: Religious higher powers are optional, earthly
ones are not.
You are absolutely free to
pick and choose between all of the religions of the world, or to be an agnostic
or atheist. What you cannot do is opt out of death and taxes, as it were. Nor
can you ignore nature�s laws such as gravity, thermodynamics, aerodynamics and
good cooking. There is often one best way to do anything, one best way to
employ you higher powers in the search for serenity and the good life. Since
you seldom ever know what that one best way is, you have to keep experimenting,
trying things out and learning from the experiences of others.
A final note of the Step
Two trap: Those who have the most
trouble accepting and using higher powers are often those who once had evil, nasty,
or weak authorities. Sometimes we call higher powers authority figures,
and they come in all varieties. Throughout life we experience many authorities.
Fathers, mothers, older siblings, teachers, religious leaders and team coaches
are all authority figures who function as higher powers in certain areas of
life. Sometimes we have good authority that shapes our lives in positive ways,
sometimes we have bad authority, and these also shape our lives and our
thinking. Long experience in the hands of a bad authority makes one very
suspicious of all authority. That is understandable, but it is something to
work on.
A certain young man, a
problem gambler seeking help, reported that when he was very young his mother
often drank too much, and when she did she started feeling lonely and sorry for
herself. The father had abandoned the family. When a bit tipsy, the mother
often invited her son into her bed and encouraged him to pleasure her sexually.
The boy was confused and angered at finding himself in a situation he could
neither control nor understand.
Since a mother is the main
female authority figure in our early lives, a mother has great power to shape
our attitudes and feelings about all women. The boy became a man who had deep,
underlying distrust and disrespect for all women but, like the boy he had been,
he was unable to give voice to his anger. While physically attracted to
females, he harbored an unrecognized symbolic anger at them that lead him into
abusive and sadistic sexual practices. He had great difficulty accepting the
idea that women can, if given genuine love and respect, act as powerful
civilizing forces in a man�s life. He went through several marriages before he
began to come to terms with his old, repressed anger at mother.
A young girl, the oldest of
seven children whose mother died early, was promoted by the distracted father
to be the female head of the household. She was much too young to take on the
responsibility of being a mother to her younger siblings, but she took the
assignment seriously and did her best. The father was constantly critical of
her cooking, her childcare practices and her interest in getting an education
for herself. She finally ran away from home but was really running away from a
very bad authority figure since she loved her siblings and really did enjoy
helping with them. It was her father who asked the impossible and gave back so
little in terms of love. She never overcame the guilt she felt at abandoning
her brothers and sisters, and she never was really able to accept other, more
positive authority figures unless it was someone who needed her help. She ended
up being very independent and yet entered the nursing profession since she
could not shake off her assigned role as helper to the weak. People in need of
help were a higher power for her, but that had not been her conscious choice.
In Gamblers Anonymous this lady began to think of her higher power as having a
female identity, one that replaced the loving, protective mother she never had.
This higher power helped the woman to back away from her endless helper role,
become more objective and accept help for herself.
One young boy finally
shoved a loaded shotgun into the neck of his drunken father who, as the boy�s
only male authority figure, had beaten, starved and belittled his son. Instead
of killing the old man, the boy ran away with only a shoebox containing a few
dollars, some stockings and a toothbrush. As he grew up he was fiercely
independent and in constant conflict with authority, first in an orphanage and
later with police authorities. He fought with his superiors in the Army and
with every boss he ever had. The very words higher power gave him
flashbacks to all the powerful and evil male authorities he had ever
experienced. It took a long, long time for him to begin to discover a few
loving and helpful authorities.
Once again, there are
always reasons why some people have trouble with certain steps in the program.
All we can do is be patient and help them work out the demons in their heads as
best we can. Some, striving to keep life simple, will choose a home group as a
higher power, do what they suggest and just follow the program. Finding a
higher power may be just that simple.
The goal
The goal presented by Step
Two is a normal way of thinking and living.
Sadly, mental health professionals over the years have been far more
preoccupied with the abnormal than with the normal. We simply have never really
defined normal, and we have few good psychological tests with which to measure
it. Dictionaries, in defining normal, use words like:
Conforming to a standard,
or to a standard type;
Regular, predictable,
usual, natural or average;
Average in intelligence,
wealth, emotional adjustment, etc.;
Something of average
density or composition;
Free from any infection,
physical abnormality or mental aberration.
Again, that old rebellious
spirit rejects the very thought of being just normal and demands that
you excel, win, beat the odds, remain unique, etc. But, it�s not so easy being
normal. Go back to the list above and image how difficult it is to be steady,
natural and predictable. It�s not easy, sometimes, getting the bills paid, but
it�s very important to normal people that certain things happen on a regular
basis. Changing diapers, washing the car yourself, caring for and being there
for a family, doing a job like it or not�these are the normal acts of daily
living.
�But, I�d be bored to death
being normal!� says ego. Sorry, Pal, few people die of boredom while thousands
die every year trying to be unique, special and different from the crowd.
�But, being normal would be
no fun!� It�s not always fun, but it can
be deeply satisfying. Try it; you might like it.
�But, I�d miss the old high!�
Correct. Normal people don�t get high, but overall their levels of
happiness are higher than the average of the peaks and valleys of addictive
mood swings. In being normal, you have nowhere to go but up.
Certainly,
normal does not mean that a person is problem free, or that you are never
tempted, never have cravings, never make mistakes and are completely free of
worry. Normal is the ability to meet these problems with some serenity and with
confidence that you can deal with them. Normal knows when to ask for help and
when you should go it alone.
Normalcy Rule #1: If you�ve never been normal you�ll never be
special since normal is the launching pad for greatness.
Normalcy Rule #2: Normal requires discipline, and without
self-discipline you are at best an eccentric neurotic, an oddity and generally
a pest.
There may be other good
rules for normal living, but you should probably discover them yourself.
Nevertheless, I will discuss the meaning of normal later in great detail.
There are many paths or
higher powers that can lead you to normal thinking and living, but there is
only one goal. This does simplify things a good deal. If you constantly quarrel
about the path it may well be that you do not want the goal of normal thinking
and living.
Here are some discussion
and writing questions that may help in developing a Second Step attitude:
-
If you have accepted a certain higher power and yet
your life does not change, what should you do?
-
The goals of the Oxford Group that preceded
Alcoholics Anonymous and influenced its philosophy so heavily included
compassion, service, humility, honesty and simplicity of living. Is that
normal? Is that what you want?
-
A very religious friend tells you, "There is only
one God and He alone must serve as your Higher Power." You may believe that yourself. Discuss and
explain your thinking on the issue.
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