The first part's true, The last part's Lue!

Everybody say: "Hi Lue! "

The Universe is 14 billion years old!  And you think your waistline is expanding!

Public Notice: To all citizens of Iraq: Uncle Sam has lost his wallet with about twelve trillion dollars inside. Sam's wallet was lost between 2004 and now, somewhere in your country. U.S. citizenship and modest reward is being offered! No questions will be asked.

Sooo, Pottery Barn's "You break it, you buy it!" policy doesn't apply if the breaker's lawyer is the U.S. Attorney General!

When President Bush announced his new plan to surge more troops to Iraq, he assured America: "This plan will meet with the same success as my previous plan to avoid military service in Vietnam!"

BTW, why is it, when Bill Clinton was in The White House, the term "surge" was taken in a completely different context?

Taking revenge for all women, The New Female Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi (D) CA has ordered every toilet seat in the entire Capital Building nailed down!

Speaker Pelosi also has threatened to Pluto-ize Bush Jr. and have him removed from the list of REAL presidents!

Democrat posse in House of Reps pass all of the 911 Commission's recommendations, except for one . . . pinning a tail on Dick Cheney!

House Democrats order 10 cases of Lysol disinfectant and twelve gross of rubber gloves, before beginning their ethics reform bill!

What the heck is a "non-binding resolution"? You got some splaining to do! Nobody takes a "non-binding resolution" seriously!  Isn't that what you use when you fake bondage during sex? A non-binding resolution?

Yesterday, one wise old man at The State Dept. suggested that the Iraqi people should actually vote on whether they want America to pull its troops out. This morning, that wise old man was arrested, and sent to Guantanamo Bay for vigorous interrogation!

Mark Foley . . . what a perv!  His septum was the ONLY thing about him that wasn't deviated!  You can text message him at Shorteyes.com

Sympathetic Republican lobbyists have been sending Scooter Libby gifts during his perjury and obstruction of justice trial! These goodies include: soap-on-a-rope, thong underwear, and lots of KY Jelly products! _