Poor Lue's Almanack April '06 (The first part's true, the last part's Lue)

Poor Lue's Almanack April '06 (The first part's true, the last part's Lue)
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By Lue Deck, Comedian

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(Take time to smell the flowers, before we're drenched by May showers. Here's some ephemera from the stream of conciousness that will always represent our

America

. Keep your ears loose...Lue)

Ah, it's the first days of spring, that's when a young immigrant's thoughts often turn to finding a JOB, or RIOTING!

30% of Americans think immigration is not a real problem.
But, that's only if you ask them the question in Spanish!

Looks like immigrant hopes for the Roadmap to Amnesty are fading. It's been folded up and discarded back in the glovebox, right next to the Roadmap for Peace, and the Roadmap to Heath Care!

"Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning..."
Really, the sign on America's front door does say: VACANCY!

Gay and lesbian couples with kids were invited to The White House Easter Egg Roll for the first time. But to get in, some the couples were forced to redecorate the residential wing. Queer Eye Meets The Crawford Guy!

Security shuts down Senate Office Building when sensors alerted to a dangerous substance stored in the attic. As luck would have it, it was an old pool of HONESTY and nobody knew what to do with it!

{ U.S. Constitution-Article 16 should read: " The Congress shall have power to Lay and Collect and WASTE taxes on incomes from whatever source derived "...}

Former Oval Office advisors are deserting Jr's ship of state like rats.
Everyone there who had an exit strategy, HAS ALREADY LEFT!

"YOU'RE DOIN' A GREAT JOB...GEORGIE!"

Bush's approval rating is at a HIGH of 32, and Dick Cheney's rating is at a LOW of 18. Ironically, it kinda sounds like the overnight weather forecast in Hillary Clinton's BEDROOM!

Fidel Castro is so afraid of being assassinated, he burns his underwear after only one use. I bet you didn't know Bush Jr. does the SAME THING to all the Democrats HE USES!

Remember when the very WORST the Republicans could do........
was shoot themselves IN THE FOOT?

The Pentagon orders extra body armor-Priority One! It's not for our troops in Iraq, it's for any future lawyers who go hunting with Dick Cheney!

Get the new Dick Cheney Vice Presidential ACTION Doll! It comes with the authority to award no-bid contracts, declassify documents, and it's very own shotgun! Ammo, alibi, and lawyers not included.

Dick Cheney throws out the first pitch for the Washington Nationals, cuz it turns out Sooter Libby was scheduled, but he's kinda right busy now!

So, now BOTH Dick Cheney and Bill Clinton have shot someone...IN THE FACE!

Only an administration this inept, this dorky, this arrogant...could make us all NOSTALGIC for the good ol' Bill Clinton days!

"Hillary is personally fighting global warming."...so says her part-time hubby Bill: "At least it sure FEELS that way in our bedroom."

Hillary Clinton is portrayed in wax at Madam Toussuad's. It really is a reasonable likeness, and even exudes MORE WARMTH!

If Dubai runs our ports, then America gets to send our Bloods and Crypts to Dubai to setup and operate their new National Lottery!

FEMA says it's ready for hurricane season, so that means if you live nears America's coast...YOU'RE DOOMED! Run for it now!

Hey, as far as Sacremento and New Orleans go...
EVEN Led Zeppelin KNEW the levees were gonna break!

Secretary of Defense Do Rumsfeldt is so two-faced, he can play
GOOD cop/ BAD cop... ALL BY HIMSELF!

Five retired Generals call for Dr. Phil and Oprah's resignation!

Former Republican leader Tom Delay resigns in disgrace! He stepped down after the tracking dogs got too close to him in the "Black-mailing Peter for money to pay Paul-gate" scandal!

Neo-Cons know the aroma of skanky-ness, and they like to refresh themselves in the perfume of it, from time to time! Ask Ann Coulter!

Rudy Guiliani may run for president? Hey, isn't this the candidate that gets his support from New York City! Did you say NEW YORK CITY?????

Since smog from America reaches Europe in three days, so now New Yorkers can quite literally tell The French to: " EAT MY DUST!"

New York City sewer rats and Central Park squirrels are mating. You know what you get when that happens? Lots more show biz AGENTS!

I got stopped at a tollboth on the New Jersey Turnpike. Turns out mine was the one millionth vehicle this month. So, five guys came out and SHOT my car!

Pat Robertson says:" Lacrosse is GATEWAY behavior for Rape !"

Many don't know the new movie "Failure to Launch" was secretly sponsored

...by CIALIS and VIAGRA!

Gwyneth Paltrow names her new baby: Moses, and hides in a undisclosed, secure location to stop Angelina Jolie from starting adoption procedures!

Scotland will remake an ancient recipe for 140 proof whiskey!
Beam me down, Scottie!

Who would have ever thought that Micheal Jackson would turn out to be a BETTER PARENT than Britany Spears?

Hooters Airlines goes belly up! It's my guess the planes had been FONDLED and BANGED around SO MUCH, they all started LEAKING!

The planet Uranus was discovered in 1781! Now, it's 225 years later, and STILL, NO ONE will ADMIT to naming it!

New study sez Americans are cursing more. Son of a bitch, what son of a bitch idiot says a stupid son of a bitching thing like that? ?#*#*/!!

Poor Lue says: I don't know who the patron saint of lucky fools is, but I hope He stops at your house when you need him!