Strippers Removed Articles!

One day it was there. The next day it was all gone. The Cheers had disappeared into that mysterious zone of space known as 404 ERROR - File NOT Found! Someone had temporarily destroyed our home. Who were these evil-doers sabotaging our fledgling online magazine? STRIPPERS! Dirty, moody, ass-waving STRIPPERS!

OK, strippers didn't REALLY bring down The Cheers for some 60 hours last week. People who wanted to learn about strippers did. Allow me to explain.

Bad, Sal! Bad!

Sal Amato's first submission to The Cheers dealt with the pros and cons of his job working at a strip club. It was a funny piece and it was on our front page. Being a rather eclectic magazine with a wide variety of subjects covered every week, it was decided that the stripper article was sure to get a few more readers and attract more attention to our little magazine. We were right.

After three months of submitting articles to the prestigious www.fark.com, we finally had one piece, Sal's "Reality Stripping," accepted & listed. At least I think fark is prestigious. I know we want many more things to be listed there. I wouldn't know for sure as I don't read much of anything. I just write things for other people's enjoyment and surf for porn. I digress.

Fark is a sort of wheelhouse for online publications. On a daily basis, headlines from online versions of major publications as well as internet-only ventures get listed at www.fark.com. People can scour through the headlines, find stories that interest them most and even comment on the quality of content. It is a pretty cool place that attracts millions of readers. They have a lot of fun features including bulletin boards, chat rooms, and not surprisingly - pictures of hot chicks and links to websites featuring excellent boobs! After hours of looking through the latter-mentioned links I realized why our site crashed.

Fark. The Other White Meat.It was the headline that did us in. We'd all forgotten that this is the internet. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING will get more attention online than SEX! Our headline hinted at insider info about nature's perfect food, the stripper. People saw this and began clicking on the link. They clicked...and clicked...and clicked some more. Before too long our little site, a site that previously had only 70 -100 visitors a day, had about 3,000 hits in a few short hours. 48 hours later over 21,700 people had tried to access our site. Suddenly we were a success. Unfortunately, The Cheers got farked!

The Great Cheers Crash of 2004 had occurred. Our server died & the fine folks at www.StrictlyHosting.co.uk wisely decided that it was time for The Cheers to find a new home, a bigger home, a stronger home, a home that could handle massive amounts of traffic on our very tight budget of zero dollars a month. I'm told zero dollars is not much, although I believe if we converted to the Euro we'd do pretty well. I know that zero U.S. dollars converted into Canadian dollars would give us enough money to buy 1,000 acres of land. Again, I digress.
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There's no love lost between The Cheers and StrictlyHosting. They've been a great home to us and we appreciate their generosity with regard to our budget and needs. They are a great company and we can recommend their services to anyone. In their own words, we were "victims of our own success." Proud of our little disaster we searched for a new dedicated server the same way a young man would look for his first apartment (Except for Siim, our Editor-in-Chief. We think he still lives with his parents!).

Que? I live where?

Regardless of our wildly growing popularity, we still had no money to offer anyone. We are a strictly volunteer-powered venture and we make no money from advertising. Everyone works for free which is why I am really, REALLY looking for a new job. (PSST! Anyone at The Onion...click here and read my work!). Our hero, Siim Einfeldt, being a young and nave lad, went out into the virtual world and made a simple plea that was sure to be ignored by anyone with common sense and bills to pay. I give you the innocent request from his post at WebHostingTalk.com.

"Hi Everyone

I'm editor-in-chief of a web magazine The Cheers (thecheers.org). I managed to get a link to one of the articles on the site - "Reality stripping" - feature from a strip club. And the site where the link went, has really heavy traffic. Unfortunately, this managed to bring my server down lol...1 visits/second....since last night (within 10 hours) I have received 14 000 clicks through this site. However, unfortunately only a few actually made it to the site.

I'm hoping to get the site up in couple of hours (with denied requests from that site). But most likely this will be just temporary. So in the long run (or probably not so long...), I will probably have to find a host that can handle also this kind of traffic (even though I might not get back to this type of number before months...).

Lets be honest - I don't really hope you have. BUT if someone has something to offer (for free) that would be able to take such many requests if needed and also support php and mysql on the server then be sure to let me know. As no money goes through the magazine and even all the contributors are volunteers, I couldn't pay anything. But if, independent of that, someone is ready to offer me something, please let me know.

Thanks

Siim Einfeldt"

Isn't he just the cutest thing? The balls on this guy! Honestly, wouldn't you want to send him a heaping dose of the Melissa Virus on general principal alone?

Miraculously, he got a few responses from actual people wanting to help! No really, check it out. We were all amazed that Siim found somebody willing to save The Cheers from extinction. That somebody was Roi Sundoro of www.roidigital.com, the single greatest company in the world (Pandering, anyone?). A little back-and-forth about our needs and his company, some magic with the domain DNS and PRESTO! The Cheers is NEW & IMPROVED! Or at least it is "visible," which is key to a website. We tried a few invisible website magazines and there were too many comparisons to the New York Post.

So there you have it, our first triumphant fark-up on display and explained in easy-to-follow terms. It may have been the first time our site has crashed, but if our increasing traffic and popularity are indicators I'm proud to predict that it won't be our last. In fact, now that we know the secret to increased traffic is SEX, I can guarantee we'll crash again. Just check out the cool new banner ads we've got lined up. Targeting the perverts is the only way to go!

For more information about Andy Martello, check out his website.

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