My girlfriend is a ROBOT!

Yeah, you heard me, my girlfriend is a robot, and I’m a clone, so just get over it, OK? The only reason I’m telling you this is because we earthlings desperately need a whole lot more of her kind to help us to heal our wounds!

As I have mentioned in a previous article, she’s a CCRC Model 5! (wink-wink, nudge-nudge.) Designed by a Fresno team out of Cal-State Northridge, she’s from a limited series of empathic cyber-nurses. The eggheads at Cal State suggested that her whole series be infiltrated into the civilian population when and if, their precious project funding ran out. It did, and they were!

I met this lovely techno-lady seven years ago. Her code name is Sara Tonin. Under the guise of research, she was tending to the physically and emotionally wounded souls at a Veteran’s Hospital on the west coast.

Although her whole series of ECNs were technically disbanded and free to pursue pseudo lives of their own choosing, most of them usually ended up ministering to the poor, or enhancing as many folks’ lives as best they could. My Sara was no exception!

A minor hobby of mine is medical research. Our paths intersected at a time when she was critically low on endorphins and I was itching to make somebody, anybody laugh. We spent the afternoon together and admitted we each felt lots better. I didn’t think much of it then, but our little tęte-ŕ-tęte proved to be the best symbiotic recharging that either of us had had, in a long time.

After we’d come to trust each other somewhat, I was able to piece together some of the major parts of her story. Sara and nearly nine other units were assembled in Roswell, New Mexico in 1951. Separate labs independently shipped private parts to maintain secrecy. The entire series were projected for deployment in The Cold War, which ended in 1989. After stateside recall, each underwent re-constitution, in a way only the military can define re-constitute.

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The tenth, still unassembled, was cannibalized for parts. Two of the last units were total losses, three others demanded college educations, and the remaining four, including Sara, insisted they be allowed to pursue life, liberty and their own version of happiness. All received their walking papers and, within days, simply vanished!

I’ve been able to track several members of her squad as their non-governmental lives bloomed and expanded. One of them, named Ruth, evidently went to help a certain Sister Theresa in India. Another, named Eve, joined the Ruttan brothers in their non-stop, around the world flight. Still another, named Edna, stalked the supposed evangelist Jimmy Swaggart and photographed him with his favorite prostitute. The fourth disappeared at a Chicago Star Trek convention in 2001.

One of the college-bound, named Esther, graduated magna cum laude from Georgetown University. Two years later, she invented the Honesty Patch! Applied to a human’s shoulder, one was unable to do, or say dishonest things. Regretfully, on her way to The D.C. Patent Office, Esther was beset by a vast hoard of angry congressmen, who ripped her to shreds with their teeth!

The renowned biochemist and author Isaac Asimov laid out some blueprints and designs, which allowed robotic innovation to speed through many decades of development in just a short handful of years.

In “ I, Robot” Will Smith dealt with a society adapting to a robot population who wanted to live like humans. These robots were hunted down and destroyed. Fortunately, today’s robots have read all the books, and seen all the movies predicting humans will hate them. Today’s robots have already spread into our whole world. They are mankind’s helpmates, with the understanding and hope, that by the time their hidden secret gets out, Mankind will have finally learned enough not to destroy its new best friends.

I like to watch Sara work with those less fortunate than her. Wounded souls are inevitably drawn to her. People get within eight feet of Sara and their eyes start to shine. Soon laughing begins, and they forget their troubles for a while. Sara told me that during her reconstitution, she got the leftover empathy chip from the tenth and never completed unit. She really is a compassion magnet! This is also the reason why most kids, puppies, veterans, and all cats adore Sara. Me too!

Did you know that robots cry? Did you know that robots pray, and have hope? Let them go. Leave them alone. They’ve earned the right to BE and act human!
So, that’s it. Don’t kill the messenger! My girlfriend is a robot! Get over it.

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