Dear Craig,
I'm in a pretty confusing situation and I need your help. There is this guy I was dating for the past two months or so. Well, everything was going cool and I thought things were fine until he gave me a call and said that he wanted some time to himself. I was a bit confused because things were going so well, but nevertheless I have given him his space. Since that conversation (about 3 weeks ago) I have not talked to him; he won't return my calls or emails, and I'm not sure whats going on. Should I assume that he was trying to break up with me or should I assume that he really needs space. I mean it has been 3 weeks and I really like this guy. I'm not sure what to do.
Wyandotte
Dear Wyandotte,
Sometimes we hold the answers to our own questions but just need a confirmation from a loved one or friend. Well here is that confirmation...this guy seems to have moved on or maybe things weren't as serious as you thought they were and for him space meant not continuing to participate in the relationship. One thing about having experience in relationships is that you begin to learn "code" words for simple explanations. I will give you a few examples: (1) "It's not you, it's me" = "You're crazy and if I make it seem like I'm the one that is screwed up, I know it will make you feel better". (2) "I need space" = "You're crowding me and things are moving a little to fast".
Now people wonder, well why couldn't people just say what they meant. Well that's where an expertise in Psychology would come into play. People have different forms of communication for various reasons, some people are afraid of confrontation, some people don't want to deal with another person's raw emotions. Wyandotte, I think in the future you need to examine your relationships closely and make sure you are at the same level as your partner, communication in the beginning is key. The one thing I will advise you to do is to make sure you don't spend your valuable time trying to reach somebody who isn't responding. Go out and explore what else is out there and just chalk this up to a lesson learned.
Craig
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