LICENSE TO SMOKE!

It’s rumored (by me mostly) that pot prisoners are being detained with terrorists in Camp X-ray, Cuba! It’s also been said (again mostly by moi) many joint aficionados are being detained in Roswell, New Mexico without benefit of a lawyer. There, but for the grace of God, go I! Gosh, gee, please …LET MY PEOPLE GO!



Thousands and thousands of marijuana smokers are in jail needlessly. Let us rescue our brethren and spread their word. Like Newton had his apple, several generations of stoners have accumulated many quirky observations:

There is easily more than enough pot smokers to get it legalized! But, as usual, most of us keep forgetting to vote for it!

Didja ever notice that mari-hootchey never really took off, until ZIP-LOCK Baggies were invented?

I hav    I had a friend in college  who studied pot. He published the first paper ever comparing marijuana and mice. Turns out, the mice are much harder to roll! He defended his thesis: the aerodynamics of the perfectly rolled one paper joint!

Willie   Willie Nelson was  asked how long he had smoked ganja to get high. Willie replied: “ For as long as I can remember! ”

If you can’t find your damn keys, just go check right by your stash!

There are some messed up drivers out there. Driving yesterday, I stuck my arm out of the window to signal for a left turn…somebody took the joint …right out of my hand. I strained to look behind me; it was a blonde on a motorcycle. I just said: KEEP IT! …..Officer!

Hey, pot smokers get in just as many accidents as drinking drivers, …it’s just we’re only going seven or eight miles an hour!

Really, the bumper sticker on my car says: “ SAVE The Roaches! ”

So, I did a show in Phoenix and start driving back to my home in L.A. I admit, I smoked some pot…yeah about half a pound of Columbian! I was SO high…..they were picking me up on FAA radar screens. I was SO high…..I was huntin’ ducks…with a rake!

After awhile I got pulled over by The California Highway Patrol.You know, CHIPS! The whole idea of it gave me the munchies!

The officer got out of his car and asked me if I had been smoking pot. I could not STOP giggling! Turned out to be a black officer, and I really screwed up! I asked him if he was a Chocolate Chip? Well, after the beating…. He asked me to take this new test. You know, now in California, they can tell if you have been smoking pot in the last 48 hours? He gave me this little cup and insisted that I to go to the side of the road, and fill it up!

Well, I did what I had to do. I filled it right to the top, didn’t spill a drop, then walked over and gave it to him. He arrested me! I complained: “I thought you had to take it and get it examined! ” The officer said: “ Usually I would, but, yours has SEEDS AND STEMS IN IT!

Remember: Bongs aren’t made for freeways!

In conclusion, I urge this course of action: Let’s create a license to smoke! It would be just like a driver’s license. There could be a handbook and test! It’d be fun. That way, the applicant could prove he knows the dangers involved with the Evil Reefer, and absolve the State from all liability. Then, the stoners everywhere could run free, knowing they now had LICENSE TO SMOKE!

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