Queer Eye for the Spiritual Guy

Five gay priests set out to make over the Episcopal Church - one pedestrian priest at a time.

They are the Fab Five: an elite team of gay priests dedicated to extolling the simple virtues of style, taste and class. Each week their mission is to transform a style-deficient and culture-deprived priest from drab to fab in each of their respective categories: clerical wear, church socials, office renovation, liturgy, and Anglican polity. It's a full priestly makeover a make holier show where lackluster priests turn in their plain black cassocks for off-white lacy albs, as they learn how to practice a form of piety that pacifies without provoking. When their journey is done, a purified priest emerges.

On tonights episode, the Fab Five will make over The Rt. Rev. Gene Robinson, Bishop from the Diocese of New Hampshire. While Gene has received much international media attention as the first openly gay bishop ordained in the Episcopal Church, he needs to transform his vanilla gay persona into one fabulous queen.

Following are the challenges that each of our Fab Five see ahead of them in their effort to make over Bishop Robinson.

The Rev. Matty D., Diocese of New York

Office Renovation Dust, dust, dust, everywhere dust. Everything in Genes office is covered in dust. I mean doesnt he know that cleanliness is next to godliness? I cant stand looking at this utilitarian office one second longer. I mean, my office at Trinity Church, Wall Street always had that that stained glass look, where those I deemed pledge worthy could truly worship in my presence. And we need to replace these dusty theological books with something more relevant like say, The Power of Positive Thinking and copies of The Wall Street Journal. Also, his desk is missing that critical bottle of sherry that comforts me after an intense day fundraising for the Cathedral of St. John the Divine.

The Rev. Carter Ward, Diocese of Massachusetts.

Liturgy

Whats this with The Bible on his desk? Oh, my God. What in the hell can I do with a bible believer? This may be too much for me to handle. Remember, Episcopalians worship the Book of Common Prayer - thats BCP not NIV. Oh, sweet Jesus.

The Rt. Rev. H., J., Diocese of Jacksonville

Church Socials I need to show Gene some good ol' boy lawyering, and make his rhetoric as smooth as Southern Comfort, so he can rise up within the House of Bishops with style and grace. As a former prosecutor, I have access to the right combination of substances, so he can possess that perfect pastoral smile 24-7. Finally, now that Gene's got the media spotlight, I can use my experience as a master media manipulator during 9-11 to teach him how to use the press to satisfy his own self-interests.

The Rt. Rev. Doogie D., Diocese of Pittsburgh

Anglican Polity My role tonight is simple lets pray like its 1959. Yo' Anglican Communion Network! You go boys!

The Rt. Reverend S. John, Diocese of Newark

Clerical Wear I can offer Gene some fashion and grooming tips that I gleaned from my years of rabble rousing in front of the camera. Its important that he learns to look like he cares whenever the media spotlight is on him. Also, we must get this boy to the gym. When my body is buff, holistically my mind and spirit are healthier, and I attract the right sort of people come Convention time. And we must work on his altar presence. His alb must be lacier and not so drab. Also, hes got to stop wearing those ecumenical multicolored stoles. Pleaze! No, no, no. His stole must coordinate with the chasuble and the altar furnishings. Trust me, if I can get Gene and the altar area in sync with the liturgical season, then he will look like simply fabulous.

So, come watch Queer Eye of the Spiritual Guy to see if the Fab Five can transform an ordinary bishop from drab to fab. Check out Trinity Television for the actual times and airdates. (http://www.trinitywallstreet.org/tv/index.shtml)

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