How to Become a Self-Help Guru & Author

Self-help books are great! They're great for the authors of self-help books! Who else can get rich by telling other people that if only they would do things that they don't do, their life would be different? It's a wonderful thing. So let's say you want to become a self-help author. Here are the Rules you'll need to follow for success:

1. Include a Number. 7 Rules. 10 Rules. 9 habits. 6 Minutes. 5 Reasons. 2 French hens. It doesn't matter what you DO with the number. People just love numbers. And don't go making it a BIG number or you're screwed! No one wants to follow the 1,026 rules for success. Remember, people are stupid. If they weren't, they wouldn't have to buy a book that tells them that if they want a better life, the will have to work hard, think positive, set goals etc... So keep the number small. But not TOO small. If you've only got one habit for success, they'll just peek inside to see what it is, in the bookstore and not buy it.

2. Invent New Jargon. In the old days, people would have an experience that enabled them to look at things with a fresh perspective. The quaint term for this was "putting on a new pair of glasses". Happened to people all the time. Doesn't happen anymore. Why? Because now we have "Paradigm Shifts!". I used to focus on my work and occasionally lose track of time. Now I'm "In The Now". I used to do what I'm good at. What was wrong with that? I've upgraded. Now I'm "Engaging in my Best and Highest Use." Okey dokey. So remember, make sure to invent some language or you’re just not helping people properly.

3. Figure Out What or Who You're Going to Rip Off. The best way to be cutting edge and unique, is to plagiarize! I mean really. Think about it. Find a book that doesn't tell you to have something to go after. A goal. An "end in mind". A "actualized outcome". Whatever. What about thinking positive? Which books says "You know, what you SHOULD do is sit around and dwell on your problems all day! Yeah, THAT's the ticket!". How about Persistence? Seen many books that say "Now remember, if things get tough, go home and play video games.". Nah. ALL those books say pretty much the same stuff. Set goals. Think Positive. Learn to get along with people. Don't give up. So what you need to do is rip something or someone off! If you say it, who cares? But if THE BIBLE says, this is how you should do your taxes, you may rest assured, it won't be long before Holy Tax Returns are filed. Generally, the best sources to rip off are: Religious books or Figures, Literary Characters (Merlin, Sherlock Holmes etc…), Cartoon Characters, Movies and Movie Characters, Children, Old People, People from Another Country or Culture (you wouldn't believe how many Indonesians are reading books on success, The Western Way), whatever. Just make sure you rip someone off.

4. Get People Who Want You to Help Them, to Help You. Look inside your self-help book. What do you see? A bunch of testimonials from authors of OTHER self-help books, telling you how great this one is. How much you want to bet that if you look inside THEIR self-help book, a testimonial will be there from THIS author! A round and round it goes. If you don't know any authors yet, spend twelve dollars to form a company, make a friend the president of it and viola' , you have the endorsement of the President & CEO of Dinosaur on a Stick! Later, when your friend writes his book, you will have to endorse it of course..

So that's it! Now you're ready to become a Self-Help guru! Don't forget to watch for my highly recommended, upcoming book: "The Audacity of the 11 Theories from Zues Which Make Me Better Than You, Now".

Politics Factzone: The truth about Kim Jong Il Kim Jong Il, the leader of the free world, has decided to move on to more fertile grounds, leaving with us just the memories of 8-color rainbows, singing Korean women and couple of nuclear weapons. But who was this man whose next ambition would have been to get the next Nobel Peace prize? Here are just a few facts you should know about. more Top 5 Conspiracy Theories Related to John F. Kennedy's Assassination 26.Aug 2011 Since just after the assassination of John F. Kennedy, conspiracy theories abou...read ISRAEL KEEPING GHADDAFI AFLOAT 10.Mar 2011 ...read Glen Beck Is NOT the Anti-Christ! 10.Mar 2011 Hurtful and fiery rhetoric is now media’s default setting! This slippery and m...read Recipe for A REVOLUTION! (10 easy steps - try not to get burned!) 28.Feb 2011 Rebellion is cooking in the air. People are mad as hell, and not going to take...read THE ASSANGE CASE. CIA INTERFERED WITH SWEDISH LEGAL PROCESSES EXTREME RIGHT POLITICS A DANGER TO EUROPEAN UNITY THE AUSTRALIAN LABOR PARTY. OUT OF TOUCH, OUT OF FOCUS, OUT OF CREDIBILITY AND HOPEFULLY, OUT OF THE DOOR Opinion World governments charged with criminal negligence (in response to Megaupload case) EARTH (thecheers.org) - Federal authorities of the universe have charged the governments of all the countries in the world as well as the operators actually in power in these countries with operating a criminal enterprise, the Galaxy warriors announced Today. more The Great OSCARS 2011 – or so it would seem 5.Mar 2011 So, how exciting......a morning off, the Academy Awards. I wish I could say the...read Top 7 Expensive Bordellos. Prostitution: Shakedown, Tier Down, and Priced Out 31.Jan 2011 According to a report of the Washington DC-based US Department of State, The Ph...read The Great Secret and Reason for the JFK Assassination 11.Oct 2010 The great question is why the great secret? On June 4 1963, President Kennedy s...read Don't Do it! The 3 Worst Times to Get Tattoos 4.Oct 2010 As a general rule, tattoos gotten after 2 am are a bad idea. But in a bigger pi...read

Travel Travel Warning 13 September 2010 - DO NOT TRAVEL TO IRAN 13.Sep 2010 TRAVELWISE has been watching the situation in Iran for some months in relation ...read more TRAVELWISE TRAVEL ADVISORY 5th June 2010. DO NOT TRAVEL TO ISRAEL. 5.Jun 2010 Given the recent incident whereby the Israeli intelligence agency, Mossad, used...read TRAVELWISE. 16 APRIL 2010. EUROPEAN TRAVEL ALTERNATIVES 16.Apr 2010 Travelwise issues the following advice in relation to cancelled flights to, fro...read TRAVELWISE 6 APRIL 2010. AUSTRALIAN AIR TRAVEL. THE BEST WAYS TO TRAVEL BY AIR IN AUSTRALIA. 5.Apr 2010 Regular readers might have seen and read the various advisory and no-fly notice...read TRAVELWISE 2 APRIL 2010. QANTAS. 2.Apr 2010 Some concerns have been raised in relation to some of the maintenance practices...read Sport No Payoff From the Playoffs $16.50 will Get Anyone in the Hall Mr McGwire Stupid Athlete Tricks Technology Think Big! Think the World's Largest International Trade Show Top 9 cool laptop accessories for laptop geeks Twittering: I'm not that interesting Cheers Jesus' Answering Machine Brown Couch or twelve midgets in the town square How To Be Happy Drugged Out Saturday Nights Muslim Decapitation: Bad, or Simply Misunderstood?