IT comes with the turf!

I don't suffer whiners easily!

There are certain things that come with the turf you inhabit! I'm a comedian, and most people won't take me seriously. Now, in the realm of laughs, This is NOT a bad thing, but try the feeling on for size when youre asking about a bank loan, or trying to register your car. Most of the time, all I can do is grin and bear it. So, if I happen to read: Next season, Martha Stewart shows us all How to make a Prison Bitch! I try to decide if she would be offended, or would she laugh with her girlfriends about it. If a celebrity gets the minutia of his or her life published needlessly: Woody Allen is 66 years old, I cant help but think: How many times does sixty-six GO INTO twenty-three? Well, he USED to be a stand-up comic; Id like to think he might laugh at that! I bet if I tracked the Rolling Stones band members down, and told them: Mick Jagger is 56 years old! Thats 4327 in Keith Richards years! Most of them would laugh. If he understood it, bet ya five Euros that Keith would laugh real hard! I laughed, the other day, when I heard on the network news: FCC FINES CBS $550,000 for Janet Jacksons Wardrobe malfunction! I thought: Gee, for ANOTHER 200Gs, CBS couldve gone for THE FULL MONTY! And as far as Ms. Jackson goes, and apparently thats not too far, how can you not think of her brother, too, and wonder why scientists wont tell us the truth: NASA visits Mars over and over, to see if we can KEEP Michael Jackson there!

WHO will think THAT is funny? I would think those who already have an anti-establishment attitude are better prepared to laugh at themselves; it comes with the turf!

Watch out for the NEW BOBBY BROWN BAIL COMPANY! HEY, IF WE CAN KEEP GETTING OUR KNUCKLEHEAD BOSS OUT OF JAIL, THEN WE CAN GET ANYBODY OUT OF JAIL! Can a whole city get mad over some silly joke? Denver ranks first as USAs DRUNKEST City! New Orleans offers some glass beads and will show its chest to regain the title! Or: Its October, if you see a Cubbies or Red Sox fan; be sure to TEASE them! Sometimes, a well-timed riposte is called for on general principles: Los Angeles is a lot like Las Vegas, except in L.A. OUR LOSERS NEVER LEAVE TOWN!

One mans pain can be another mans silliness: Musician David Crosby arrested in his NYC Hotel for Marijuana and GUNS! POLICE were summoned when Mr. Crosby evidently loaded his weapon with his MAUI WOWIE, and then TRIED to BONG THREE OF HIS BULLETS! Again, I believe he would laugh at that! After Rosie ODonnell married her long-time girl-toy and came out on the courthouse steps, her most ardent fans were yelling over and over: 'YOU DA MAN!' I hope she likes that one!

But, then is it ethical to jibe at those who have it coming to them, just for the pure fun of it? In the UCLA missing organ scandal: Cops on the beat tell us: 'the organs were being DIVERTED as REPLACEMENT PARTS for CHER!' Sure it is! Its also fair game to hit ordinary folks, if theyve done something stupid enough. Georgia woman arrested for trying to pass a FAKE one million dollar bill at Wal-Mart! Really, everybody knows you have to go to K-Mart to pass a fake one million dollar bill!

Whole industries are fair game too, if theyre sleazy enough: Boxing promoter Don King met with President Bush! Thats just great, one of them cant tell the truth, and the other doesnt even know what the truth is! Or: I saw that new movie: CAT WOMAN! It was a BUST! In FOUR WAYS than ONE. But the VIEWS were BREAST TAKING!

In the end, Ive learned a few tricks in my travels around this tired, old world. One of them is: Funny turns out to be just like beauty! FUNNY is IN the ELBOW of the BEHOLDER!

I hope you know what I mean here. Whether one laughs or not, is ALL perspective. So, if you ever find yourself in Tupelo, Mississippi; take it from this old comedy soldier: Dont tell those ELVIS jokes tonight! My point is: YOU are responsible for what you have in your life now. If someone makes fun of you, laugh with themHARD, because you finally understand it.

It comes with the turf!

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