Some people just can't leave well enough alone. Or, as my first grade teacher used to say, "It only takes one bad apple to ruin things for everyone else."
So, you can imagine how upset I was to find out that some crackpot engineer had been tampering with one of the great inventions of the past 100 years.
I'm talking, of course, about the snooze alarm.
Should be banned by the
Geneva Convention
The snooze alarm is the perfect union of technology and functionality, allowing you to drift aimlessly in a semi-dreamlike state for up to twelve hours at a time.
The snooze alarm is an island of tranquility in a stormy sea of responsibility and maturity. In another time, we would have composed odes and epic poems to the snooze alarm.
I'd do it myself but I've got another seven minutes of sleep time left before I have to get up for work.
All this is by way of saying that I believe there is a special circle in Hell reserved for the guy who perverted the snooze alarm by inventing the flying alarm clock. This instrument of the Devil is designed to launch itself when your alarm goes off and then fly around the room making a mosquito-like buzzing noise. [Aerial alarm clock]
The only way to shut off the alarm is to catch it and put it back on its base. Should you decide to hit the snooze alarm, the makers of the flying alarm clock have designed it so that the mosquito pod takes off again.
If you aren't awakened by the gratingly annoying buzzing sound or what, through half-opened, sleep-fogged eyes appears to be a mosquito with a five inch wingspan, you can always wait for the pod to run out of juice. In which case, it will fall out of the sky and knock you on the head or some other sensitive part of your anatomy.
If you think you wake up in a bad mood now, imagine how much more darkly you'll view the world on a morning that begins with a Luftwaffe strafing followed by a quarter-pound shot to your cobblers.
Make no mistake, this is the type of thing that causes people show up to their office with a rifle.
And in a world where someone can sue you because they had an allergic reaction to your perfume, how is it that there are no lawsuits against a company that fires an out-of-control projectile into your personal airspace at six-thirty in the morning?
This won't get you upAt the very least, can't somebody invent a vibrating Carmen Electra snooze alarm? You could program it to murmur promises of sexual fulfillment until you decided to roll out of bed …three and a half days later. [
This WILL get you upOr, if you absolutely had to wake up at a certain time, you could have your life-sized Pussycat Doll alarm clock gently whisper, "It's time for a threesome ...with Dennis Rodman."
[
==================
You can, if you're some kind of sadomasochistic freak, purchase the flying alarm clock at: http://www.boysstuff.co.uk/product.asp?id=13583
Politics
Factzone: The truth about Kim Jong Il
Kim Jong Il, the leader of the free world, has decided to move on to more fertile grounds, leaving with us just the memories of 8-color rainbows, singing Korean women and couple of nuclear weapons. But who was this man whose next ambition would have been to get the next Nobel Peace prize? Here are just a few facts you should know about.
more
Top 5 Conspiracy Theories Related to John F. Kennedy's Assassination
26.Aug 2011
Since just after the assassination of John F. Kennedy, conspiracy theories abou...read
ISRAEL KEEPING GHADDAFI AFLOAT
10.Mar 2011
...read
Glen Beck Is NOT the Anti-Christ!
10.Mar 2011
Hurtful and fiery rhetoric is now media’s default setting! This slippery and m...read
Recipe for A REVOLUTION! (10 easy steps - try not to get burned!)
28.Feb 2011
Rebellion is cooking in the air. People are mad as hell, and not going to take...read
Opinion
World governments charged with criminal negligence (in response to Megaupload case)
EARTH (thecheers.org) - Federal authorities of the universe have charged the governments of all the countries in the world as well as the operators actually in power in these countries with operating a criminal enterprise, the Galaxy warriors announced Today.
more
The Great OSCARS 2011 – or so it would seem
5.Mar 2011
So, how exciting......a morning off, the Academy Awards. I wish I could say the...read
Top 7 Expensive Bordellos. Prostitution: Shakedown, Tier Down, and Priced Out
31.Jan 2011
According to a report of the Washington DC-based US Department of State, The Ph...read
The Great Secret and Reason for the JFK Assassination
11.Oct 2010
The great question is why the great secret? On June 4 1963, President Kennedy s...read
Don't Do it! The 3 Worst Times to Get Tattoos
4.Oct 2010
As a general rule, tattoos gotten after 2 am are a bad idea. But in a bigger pi...read
|
Travel
Travel Warning 13 September 2010 - DO NOT TRAVEL TO IRAN
13.Sep 2010
TRAVELWISE has been watching the situation in Iran for some months in relation ...read
more
TRAVELWISE TRAVEL ADVISORY 5th June 2010. DO NOT TRAVEL TO ISRAEL.
5.Jun 2010
Given the recent incident whereby the Israeli intelligence agency, Mossad, used...read
TRAVELWISE. 16 APRIL 2010. EUROPEAN TRAVEL ALTERNATIVES
16.Apr 2010
Travelwise issues the following advice in relation to cancelled flights to, fro...read
TRAVELWISE 6 APRIL 2010. AUSTRALIAN AIR TRAVEL. THE BEST WAYS TO TRAVEL BY AIR IN AUSTRALIA.
5.Apr 2010
Regular readers might have seen and read the various advisory and no-fly notice...read
TRAVELWISE 2 APRIL 2010. QANTAS.
2.Apr 2010
Some concerns have been raised in relation to some of the maintenance practices...read
No Payoff From the Playoffs
$16.50 will Get Anyone in the Hall Mr McGwire
Stupid Athlete Tricks
Think Big! Think the World's Largest International Trade Show
Top 9 cool laptop accessories for laptop geeks
Twittering: I'm not that interesting
Cheers
|
