In honor of Mother’s Day, I would like to share some of the many
lessons I have learned from my wonderful mother. Although my mother is
a remarkable and accomplished woman, I had no idea of this as a child.
She was just Mommy, the person who bandaged my skinned knees and made
sure that I had a hot breakfast every morning. It was only as an adult
that I realized just what an amazing woman she is and how truly lucky I
am to have her as my mother.
My mother encouraged me to be creative from the beginning of my life.
She read me bed time stories with a different voice for each character.
When I was a child and wanted to pretend to be a kitty cat all day, she
drew “whiskers” on my face with eye liner and served me lunch on the
floor. She took me to ballet and gymnastics lessons from the age of
three to encourage me to be graceful. I am still a klutz, so I can only
imagine that it could have been much worse.
She made
a conscious effort to expose me to the arts early, taking me to museums
and all the plays that she could find. When I became interested in
acting, she helped me to get into children’s theatre in our community.
When I failed to get the roles I wanted, she said that there were no
bit parts, only bit actors. When I decided to write a book about kids
in a boarding school at eight, my mom gave me some of best advice ever:
to write what you know. As I had never been to boarding school, I
should try writing about my own experiences. She taught me that
anything in life is bearable as long as you get a good story out of it,
and never let the truth stand in the way of a good story.
During my teenage years, my mom taught me how to wear make-up. After a
couple of make-up interventions, I learned that I should not wear teal,
hot pink, silvery gray, and chocolate brown eye shadow together--even
if they did come in the same Maybeline package. Even at my most awkward
stage, she told me that I was beautiful. If the other kids were making
fun of me for being fat, well, they were just jealous that I was so
beautiful and smart. It is only as an adult that I realize how much
that has done for my self esteem. I saw on the Oprah Winfrey show that
women with eating disorders usually have mothers who told them that
they needed to lose weight. My mom taught me that I did not need to be
perfect. I was always good enough just as I was, and she was always
proud of me. I can promise you that if I were a crack whore, she would
still brag to her friends that I made more money and got fewer beatings
from my pimp than all the other crack whores in LA.
Most people
think of their mother as a teacher, but my mother really was my teacher
in community college. Beloved by the students, she directed me in plays
and taught me in several classes. Some of my friends told me later that
my mom had given them advice or listened to them when they were having
a hard time. My mother never even told me that these students had been
to see her and would not have dreamed of telling me what they said. She
has more integrity than anyone I know. I was recently forwarded an
email about a college physics exam that asked for the first name of the
cleaning woman. Supposedly, most of the students failed because they
had no idea. My mom knew everyone’s name at work, even the janitors,
and cared enough to ask them about their lives. She taught me to see
the value in all people.
A big risk taker herself, my mother
taught me not to play it safe. She showed me that huge risks can come
with huge rewards. She also taught me that it is better to make
mistakes than to have regrets about not trying something. She taught me
that it is never too late to do something that you have always wanted
to do. At fifty-five, my mom is thisclose to completing her doctorate.
In fact, it should be some time this month. When I made the decision to
finish college at thirty, she never said that I should have done this
sooner. She applauds me for doing it now while I’m young.
The
greatest thing that my mother did for me is something that she will
never know. I have read that most people have a very negative “internal
dialogue,” the voice that you hear inside your head. A lot of people
hear messages like, “You can’t do that. Who do you think you are?
You’re too stupid to get that job. How do you expect to ever get
married if you keep eating like that?” Because my mother was so sweet
and supportive of me, I can hear my mother’s voice in my head whenever
I get any negative internal dialogue. I hear, “You can do it! What have
you got to lose by trying? The worst thing that will happen is that
they’ll say no. You’ve got to take a huge risk to get a huge reward.”
If I am fortunate enough to have children, I hope that I will be the
kind of mother that my mom is. I have learned so much from her, and I
continue to learn more everyday. It is a blessing and an honor to have
my mother, and I am tremendously proud of her.
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