Lessons From Mom

In honor of Mother’s Day, I would like to share some of the many lessons I have learned from my wonderful mother. Although my mother is a remarkable and accomplished woman, I had no idea of this as a child. She was just Mommy, the person who bandaged my skinned knees and made sure that I had a hot breakfast every morning. It was only as an adult that I realized just what an amazing woman she is and how truly lucky I am to have her as my mother.

My mother encouraged me to be creative from the beginning of my life.

She read me bed time stories with a different voice for each character. When I was a child and wanted to pretend to be a kitty cat all day, she drew “whiskers” on my face with eye liner and served me lunch on the floor. She took me to ballet and gymnastics lessons from the age of three to encourage me to be graceful. I am still a klutz, so I can only imagine that it could have been much worse.



She made a conscious effort to expose me to the arts early, taking me to museums and all the plays that she could find. When I became interested in acting, she helped me to get into children’s theatre in our community. When I failed to get the roles I wanted, she said that there were no bit parts, only bit actors. When I decided to write a book about kids in a boarding school at eight, my mom gave me some of best advice ever: to write what you know. As I had never been to boarding school, I should try writing about my own experiences. She taught me that anything in life is bearable as long as you get a good story out of it, and never let the truth stand in the way of a good story.

During my teenage years, my mom taught me how to wear make-up. After a couple of make-up interventions, I learned that I should not wear teal, hot pink, silvery gray, and chocolate brown eye shadow together--even if they did come in the same Maybeline package. Even at my most awkward stage, she told me that I was beautiful. If the other kids were making fun of me for being fat, well, they were just jealous that I was so beautiful and smart. It is only as an adult that I realize how much that has done for my self esteem. I saw on the Oprah Winfrey show that women with eating disorders usually have mothers who told them that they needed to lose weight. My mom taught me that I did not need to be perfect. I was always good enough just as I was, and she was always proud of me. I can promise you that if I were a crack whore, she would still brag to her friends that I made more money and got fewer beatings from my pimp than all the other crack whores in LA.

Most people think of their mother as a teacher, but my mother really was my teacher in community college. Beloved by the students, she directed me in plays and taught me in several classes. Some of my friends told me later that my mom had given them advice or listened to them when they were having a hard time. My mother never even told me that these students had been to see her and would not have dreamed of telling me what they said. She has more integrity than anyone I know. I was recently forwarded an email about a college physics exam that asked for the first name of the cleaning woman. Supposedly, most of the students failed because they had no idea. My mom knew everyone’s name at work, even the janitors, and cared enough to ask them about their lives. She taught me to see the value in all people.

A big risk taker herself, my mother taught me not to play it safe. She showed me that huge risks can come with huge rewards. She also taught me that it is better to make mistakes than to have regrets about not trying something. She taught me that it is never too late to do something that you have always wanted to do. At fifty-five, my mom is thisclose to completing her doctorate. In fact, it should be some time this month. When I made the decision to finish college at thirty, she never said that I should have done this sooner. She applauds me for doing it now while I’m young.

The greatest thing that my mother did for me is something that she will never know. I have read that most people have a very negative “internal dialogue,” the voice that you hear inside your head. A lot of people hear messages like, “You can’t do that. Who do you think you are? You’re too stupid to get that job. How do you expect to ever get married if you keep eating like that?” Because my mother was so sweet and supportive of me, I can hear my mother’s voice in my head whenever I get any negative internal dialogue. I hear, “You can do it! What have you got to lose by trying? The worst thing that will happen is that they’ll say no. You’ve got to take a huge risk to get a huge reward.”

If I am fortunate enough to have children, I hope that I will be the kind of mother that my mom is. I have learned so much from her, and I continue to learn more everyday. It is a blessing and an honor to have my mother, and I am tremendously proud of her.

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