The REAL Cause of Obesity: Lawyers

Jill was watching one of the ten tv shows, she watched every day. This show was one of her favorites because the star was a nice, heavyset woman and the villain was a woman who had a body that was obscenely thin.

She finished her potato chips and was lifting her massive form from her chair, when all hell broke loose. The front door bust open and two members of the squad, dressed in the military colors of brown and gold, came through. Jill thought of making for the back door but two more members of "the army" were coming in that way, as well. She was trapped.

They secured her enormous wrists and began the process which had been repeated every day, for years now. It was terrible. They force-fed her two Big Macs, super-sized fries, an extra-large chocolate shake and a hot apple pie. Then they simply left. But she knew they would be back again soon.

Funny thing is, I've never heard of that happening. Nor have I ever approached a toll booth, and been required to eat a dozen cookies, in order to pass. Before writing this, I looked up obesity on the internet. Look hard enough and you'll find someone who will tell you that being really, really fat, is not your fault. Which means it's not your responsibility. Oh Come ON! What IS our responsibility, anymore?

I went in to the grocery store the other day and guess what I saw? Fruits! Veggies! Water! Juice! All kinds of stuff! Guess what I DIDN'T see? A sign saying "Fat people aren't allowed to buy this stuff".

I look out my front window and guess what I see? Ground! It doesn't matter what kind of ground you see outside your house, guess what really big, fat people can do on the ground? Walk! No signs prohibiting that either! Hmmm. Good food. Water. Exercise. Is this really THAT difficult to figure out? Aska Jared.

In the meantime, 3 class-action suits have been filed against McDonald's for causing obesity. What a crock! I eat at McDonald's! I'm 6'2" (188 cm) and weigh in at about 180 lbs (82 kg). McDonald's hasn't made me obese. I wonder why not? Could it be, that I eat there, less than once a month? Could be. Could it be that I exercise 3 - 5 times a week? Maybe. Could it be that I take responsibility for my own health? Bingo. Here is a list of everyone who, according to someone else (usually lawyers) is not responsible for something they don't like about themselves:


- Smokers who sue tobacco companies because after trying to quit one time, for three hours, they determine they were responsible. (I had to quit about 50 times before it finally took).
- Citizens who hate the government and complain continuously about politicians - but don't bother to vote.
- Parents whose kids are dumb as a rock but don't bother to get personally involved in their own kid's education or even tell them to turn off the Xbox until their homework is done. Obviously, it's the teacher's fault that their kid thinks Capitalism, is the act of naming capitals.
- Fourth generation welfare recipients who are reasonably intelligent and physically able - who blame their lack of employment on society.
- Really, really fat people who blame McDonald's for their really, really fatness.

Now don't get me wrong. When I say fat, I don't mean "big-boned" or "stocky". I mean the gal who weighs 300 pounds and rides the electric cart around the grocery store. Speaking of grocery stores, have you ever noticed that the pick-up you're stuck behind in the parking lot, is usually dropping off a 350+ pound shopper so that they won't have to walk a whole 100 feet from the parking space? Or how about that guy on the golf course, who is out "getting some exercise" by driving around in an electric cart, which can barely stay upright, with him on it? I mean, if anyone should be WALKING the course, it's that guy. And he should be required to carry my clubs too, while I drive along next to him!

Nowadays, if you're fat, MAYBE you'll take Tae Bo or Spin classes for a week. If you haven't lost at least thirty pounds in a total of sixty minutes exercise, it's time to give up and schedule a visit to Dr. McLipo. Better fitness through vacuum-cleaners. Great. Don't worry about it. It's not your fault that you got fat, anyway. It's McDonald's. Just ask your attorney. He'll tell you.

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