Jackson vs. Sharpton - Ready to Rumble

JESSE "ACTION" JACKSON

AGE: 60

RESIDENCE: Chicago, IL

RELIGIOUS AFFILATION: Baptist

FINISHING POLITICAL MOVE: The Rhetoric Rhyming Speech

NOTEWORTHY QUOTE: "Hymietown"

GREATEST SPIRITUAL LAPSE: Fathering a child out of wedlock with Karin Stanford

FAVORITE CHURCH SUPPER DISH: Chicken

FAVORITE VIDEO GAME: Ms. Packman

FAVORITE BIBLE STORY: David and Bathsheba

FAVORITE MOVIE: Coffy

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Sesame Street

FAVORITE ATHLETE: O.J. Simpson

FAVORITE SINGER/BAND: The Jackson 5

FAVORITE MENSWEAR SUITS: Armani

HOBBIES: Football, laundering money, drawing rainbow pictures

He's the Teflon coated giant, the undisputed religious leader of black America. Standing by the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King's side and covering himself with the good doctor's blood, Jesse's been a long-time dominant spiritual force to be reckoned within the progressive wing of the DNC party.

Action's catchy rhymes whipped both the urban underclass and the liberal media into a Pentecostal styled frenzy. The righteous reverend bashed his way into the DNC by running for President in 1984 and 1988, gathering millions of devoted fans, who joined the rockin' Rainbow/PUSH Coalition. When he preached across the country to procure the gigantic black turnout that nearly slept Al "Boring Baptist" Gore into the White House, his claim to sit at the right hand of the DNC leadership had never seemed more secure.

Then Action forgot to keep it real when he broke one of God's laws by fathering a child out of wedlock. His enemies surrounded him as suspicions burst forth about this newly anointed "Guru of Grabass." His frequent acts of adultery, as well as his unholy alliances with corporate America were exposed so all could witness his shameful acts. Even his most devoted flock concede in private that Action's days of preaching in the political pulpit are numbered.

AL "SHOWSTOPPER SHARPTON"

AGE: 47

RESIDENCE: Brooklyn, NY

RELIGIOUS AFFILATION: Ordained a Pentecostal minister at 10, re-baptized into the Baptist tradition in 1994

FINISHING POLITICAL MOVE: The Kick Hinny Protest March

NOTEWORTHY QUOTE: "No justice, no peace"

GREATEST SPIRITUAL LAPSE: The Tawana Brawley Saga

FAVORITE CHURCH SUPPER DISH: Casserole Surprise

FAVORITE VIDEO GAME: Mortal Kombat

FAVORITE BIBLE STORY: The Prodigal Son

FAVORITE MOVIE: Shaft (the remake)

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Fat Albert

FAVORITE ATHLETE: Latrell Sprewell

FAVORITE SINGER/BAND: James Brown

FAVORITE MENSWEAR SUITS: Brooks Brothers

HOBBIES: Power walking, hair styling, stickball, reading

The mere mention of his name will bring any progressive Democratic candidate to flock by Al's side and seek his endorsement. Never before has the African-American religious community seen such a phenomenon like the one that Showstopper has created. At any Democratic event, all you see are politicians bowing to kiss Al's ring instead of kicking his hinny. Why? Because Showstopper said so.

When this Harlem hell raiser endured total humiliation in the wake of the Tawana Brawley fiasco, he never thought that in the year 2001, his National Action Network and Madison Avenue Initiative could surpass the political clout of Jesse's Rainbow/PUSH Coalition and Wall Street Project. Fresh from doing jail time in Vieques and Brooklyn jails, the righteous reverend is planning to rip the ultimate page from Action Jackson's playbook by running for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2004 - the same strategy Jesse used to secure his position as the Radical Reverend back in '84. Separation of Church and State be damned!

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