( The only choice that made any sense to me.)
Life for me before 1968 was anything but a lot of laughs. It was Georgia, what can I say? That's why since then, I've bypassed realities and dedicated my existence to funny! The retail outlet mentioned here is wholly illusionary, and an overdue answer to my ernest prayers! Won't you come in?
Ding-ding! (A little bell on the door to my shop, which opens inward, of course.) Hi there! Welcome to Lue's Little Joke Store! I'm the Luester. what're you interested in today? Maybe a topical one-liner...or a satirical fable? I'm having a sale this week on Presidential jokes!.....(pregnant pause) ohhkkayyy, feel free to look around, let me know me know if I can help with anything.
That's the way it is in my little world. Small, but funny. You see, funny is the coin of the realm in this reality, and all my audiences have made me rich, metaphorically. I thank them from the bottom of my heart, metaphorically! ...Pardon me, one of my customers needs some assistance...
Yes, what can I do for you today? Yes, selections are divided by sections: On the left, are stories about standup comics...on the right are the social commentaries and some self-help advice. In the back...ding-ding!...pardon me, be with you in a second! ...yes, can I help you? Oh... you want to hear the free joke of the day? I'd be happy to!
"Who would've ever thought that between Britany Spears and Michael Jackson ...that Michael Jackson would turn out to be the better parent?"
Thanks...drop by again, There'll always be a different free joke of the day!
Some say it's not the destination, but the journey. Others point out a reward after one's journey, but for me, it's always boiled down to the funny in the journey. My whole life, I've wanted to learn to be funnier, and worked hard to do so. I never tried to get rich or famous, so now, how it's worked out is pretty amusing to me. ...Ding-ding!
...Yes sir, sorry for the interruption...what can I do ya for?.....the SALE table? ...over by that cardboard cut-out of Dubya....three for one on Bush insults!
Fame, if it comes at all, is hollow and fleeting. They even gave me a bumper sticker saying I was one of America's Funniest People when I was on their show. That was a wacky kind of a validation for me, as well as actual documention. I'm happy, that's all that should count. If I have any credo, it would be: Love one another, and be funny.....that's how I found my contentment. You can to!
...Ding-ding....Hi there, c'mon in! ...What can I help you with today?....you're looking for some fables? ...Don't forget...buy two, you get My 100 Best Jokes!
Here's a short list...
The Three Little Liberals
The Little President Who Cried Wolf!
Uncle Sam Meets Uncle Remus
The Tenuous Tar-Baby in Iraq
I Am A Neo-Liberal
The Little Donkey Who Could
A Drink With The Candidates
The Bra-Snap Heard Round The World
Hi there, c'mon in! ...What can I help you with today?....Anti-War articles?...Let's see, I got a buncha them over there. Check my inventory, tell me what you like:
America's Dirty Little Secrets
Open Letter To The Iraqi People
The Evoulution Of A Neo-Con
How To Stop The War (A Pre-emptive PEACE Attack)
10 Reasons NOT To Trust Dubya
I Am Who I AM Because Of My Dad
The Lie That Broke The Camel's Back
Buy My Vote
Time To Haunt Bush
Ding Dong The Rove Is Gone
...Yessir, that's the trophy I got for my world record of performing in 1000 cities in 10 years! (It's actually an old chess trophy.) yessir, I do have some stories about stand-up comics...lets see there's......
The Night Nothing was Funny
Goodbye Mr. Carson
Herk and Jerk, The Saga of
Hell's Cruise Ship
God IS Funny
Attack and Jail All Ventriloquists
Huddled Around Some Laughs
The Last Honest Booking Agent
Nossir! The guy that holds the record now is a comedy-juggler named Robert York outa Tulsa, Oklahoma and I heard he had stretched it out to 1245 cities in 10 years! Nossir, you'll have to go online to get his CD! Excuse me for a minute...
In my mind, one has to move towards what one wants, and away from what one doesn't want, it's that simple. For instance, L.A. is about 3000 miles from Georgia, and if there was another 3000 miles to our continent, I'd move out there. Towards what you want...away from what you don't! Get it? ...Ding-ding!
Hi, what can I do for you today?...a topical joke....sure, try this one, it always works for me:
"Scientists on the west coast have developed a third gender! That's right, there's now a third gender! And the scientists have decided to name it RYAN SEACREST!"
I hope you can search for your happiness and be as sucessful as I have been in my own search. Persistance helps a lot! Stay with it! Ding-ding! Pardon me... I need to see to my customers. Drop by again, you're always welcome at Lue's Little Joke Store!
Ding-ding! .........C'mon in! What can I do for you?
(Editor's note: All of Lue's articles are available on his columnist page)
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